Bliss

21 - Sky

There's only one little window in the emergency operating room. It is right above my bed, so I can't see out of it, but light from it spills out and floods the wall across the room, turning everything three shades lighter in color. It makes the red EOR sign look pink. Occasionally, a shadow will run across the light, and I can picture a bird flying or a creature crawling along the sides of the hospital.

They only distributed regional anesthetic, yet I still feel numb all over. I don't remember much from what happened in the alley—in fact, everything was black from that point on—but I remember everything before, and the memory of it tugs at my chest.

"She needs an IV," the short, skinny nurse I've been seeing exit and enter my room says, speaking the words into the device strapped in her arm. I guess the doctor's use it to talk to each other. It's black and it looks too tight on her skin. She walks over to my bed and adjusts the pillow. "Did you get your rest, Sky?"

I try to say "Yes, thank you," but instead, I just end up breathing out slowly until I get the urge to cough. The nurse smiles. "Dr. Rich will be in with an IV soon. You haven't digested anything nutritious since lunchtime, and it seems like your blood sugar is down."
I take a deep breath. "What time is it?" I croak out. I sound like a frog. My throat hurts and suddenly all I want is a glass of water.

"It's seven in the morning," the nurse says. Then, the door buzzes. "Hold on," she says. She moves swiftly to open the door, and Dr. Rich--I recognize his face, because it was looming over me for the entire night, holding a mask over my mouth and nose--wheels in a cart with the IV bag hanging from a rod.

I can barely feel the needle enter my arm. The nurse uses medical tape to secure it in place. My arm goes cold as the fluid enters my veins, and shortly, I get the taste of raspberries in my mouth. I haven't had raspberries in a while. It's been, what, eleven years since I've been in this position? The taste of them can only be found in the hospital, artificially sweet and known to spike the blood sugar levels.

A shadow passes across the light from the window. I let my muscles relax.

"Doctor?"

"Yes," Dr. Rich speaks into his device. He has two unshaven chins and deeply hooded eyes.

"It's Sunny. May I let visitors into room 37, please?"
The doctor looks at me. I nod as best I can. "Yeah, bring them in." He nods at the nurse, and she nods back, and then she turns to me and says, "Try to relax. We'll be wheeling you into the ICU to keep an eye on you as soon as the visit is over, okay, sweetie?"

I lick my lips. Raspberries and medicine. "Yeah. Whatever."

She smiles kindly as she and the doctor exit the room. Their voices rise as the door closes.

I'm left in silence, immobile except for my head, arms, and toes, and it feels like just yesterday this happened again. I am the prey to this predator that has found its way inside my body, and at the worst of all times. But you can't tell it: no, don't come right now, I'm in a meeting. It decides for you. You just have to know how to react.

I don't know how to react.

I thought I had more time. I was foolish enough to trick myself into thinking that maybe it won't ever return, that I will get to live a normal life with a normal husband, as much as I hated the thought of living in oceania forever.

Or maybe I just thought I had more time to run away in the first place.

I forget about the visitors until the door opens again, slowly at first, and then all the way. I see Ingrid first, and my heart sinks. Her eyes widen as she steps into the cold room, visibly cautious as she makes her way cautiously to the side of my bed. I force a weak smile, but it feels fake on my face. I let it drop. I'm surprised to see Harry, then Niall, and then Zayn. Zayn, out of all people, followed by Louis and Liam. All five of them. I look at Ingrid. "Where's . . . Maya?"