Alone....Till he came

Chapter 6

Recap: His soft lips met mine and it was like fireworks exploding. Sparks flew all throughout my body. I leaned in closer and tangled my hands in his hair at the back of his neck. He grabbed my waist and tingles ran down my spine and through every bone in my body. I couldn't help, but notice how our bodies fit together perferctly. It was like we couldn't pull away. Like this was meant to be happening. Like we needed each other. Like we were meant for each other.  _______________________________________________________________________________

I dont know how long the kiss lasted, but it felt like an hour later that we pulled away to catch our breath. I looked down at the floor, but looked back up when i felt Kyle get out from my arms. "Where are you going?" i asked confused. He looked like he was having a little battle inside his head, but soon he looked back down at me. "I cant do this. That wasnt supposed to happen." He bent down to my level again and took my hands in his big ones. When i looked in his eyes i saw pity and sympathy. Why would that be in his eyes. Im not sad or anything. Im actually happy. I mean i did just kiss a fine looking boy. 

His voice broke me out of my train of thought. "Alex. I dont know how to say this, but i have a girlfriend and us, it could never happen. It never should and it never will." He said it slowly and it toke a while for it to sink in.

When it did, it felt like i was back to the day that my own bestfriend turned on me. I was back to the day where my heart was shattered and stomped on 1000 times. And i was back to the day where my life drained out of my eyes and there wasnt one once of happiness in my heart. 

I was back to the day where i was weak, pathetic, and a waste of space. Where i didnt have anyone to comfort me, or tell me it will be okay. Back to the day where i promised myself that i wouldnt let anyone in no matter what. 

Looks like i was right. You cant trust anybody cause they will always screw you over in the end. I looked back to Kyle and shot up from where i was kneeling. He quickly got up and tried to reach for me, but i jerked away. There was no way in hell i was going to let him touch me. He looked hurt at first, but it quickly faded. "I can understand how you're feeling-" i cut him off. "You dont have a clue on what i'm feeling" i spit out with venom. He looked taken aback at my tone, but recovered.

"Get out" i said pointing toward the door. He looked like he was about to say something, but my expression stopped him. He turned on his heel and walked out the door slowly. 

When he was all the way by the stairs i ran and closed the door. I let my back hit the door and i slid down to the floor with my head in my hands. I sobbed, and sobbed till i didnt have any more tears left. I just sat there looking at nothing. I Scratched my wrist where my scars were at. God! I need something sharp!

Wait! I rememeber something. I hid a razor under my bed mattress in case i lost my lucky knife or something. Why didnt i think of that sooner? i got up from where i was sitting and reached under my mattress. When i felt the sharp edge of the razor i grabbed it and pulled it out. 

I watched as it gleamed in the moonlight that was coming in through the balcony windows. I walked over to the balcony and sat on the leather couch that my mom put there in case i wanted to sit outside. I put the razor against my skin and smiled in anticipation of the feel of the razor bitting into my skin. The chance of actually feeling something other than sadness. 

The chance to be happy with my razor. 

I slid it across my wrist and winced at the pain, but the pain was quickly gone and nothing but happiness was there. I slid it across my wrist a couple more times, and just watched the blood flow out of my cuts and onto the floor of the balcony.