Daily life of a closeted nonbinary teen

That thing that makes you feel like a shit

Hi everybody! I hope you're having a great day! The title of this chapter should be "What is that thing that makes you feel like shit since the awakening until when you fall asleep ?" but it was too long. Anyway, the right answer is dysphoria. Are you wondering about what the heck is dysphoria? Wikipedia says: "Gender dysphoria is discomfort, unhappiness, or distress due to one's or physical sex". If you've never experienced gender dysphoria: it feels like wearing horrible clothes, but you can't take them off. Sometimes you like these clothes, sometimes you hate it. You can adjust what you don't like, but it remains the same dress. And often people can see that your clothes look different 'cause you tried to improve them, but most of the time they think that what you are wearing is a very nice dress and they do not understand why you want to change it. Everyone experience gender in his/her/their way, and also dysphoria is different for everyone. I often experience dysphoria because of my breast and my hair. I can't buy a real binder so I tried every safe way to compress my breast, but none of them worked and I have to deal with the fact that as long as I live under my parent's roof I won't have a flat chest. And I have a very feminine haircut. So my dysphoria is about the fact that everybody sees me as a girl. Dysphoria is also about pronoun and name. For example dysphoria can show up when a person calls you with the wrong name and/or pronouns. I'm completely closeted (except on Wattpad), so everybody calls me the wrong name and pronoun. I don't think this is a major problem because they would do it even if I would live as an openly nonbinary person, they would only think that I am a girl (sigh) who is trying to be special (double sigh) so she can identify as "something else" and having more attention (triple sigh). I think that in some ways they are right: I would have more attention, but not a nice kind of attentions. If you think that having more attention is like talking and explaining you gender identity to everyone and they will always talk about you, well, you are wrong. It's being bullied, harrased, called a freak and more. BEING TRANS DOES NOT MEAN SEEKING ATTENTIONS, it simply means that we do not identify in the gender that is commonly associated with our genitalia. Stop. Most of the time people gives us more attention than we want.