I wasn't able to say goodbye to him. He left. Like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. Yet he was everything to me. He's in California now. Without a goodbye. Without a second thought. The last person I cared about is gone. So... now what...?
Should I just die? Like I've been planning? I've got so many ways I could die. So many. I think about it all the time. Of all the ways I could stop breathing. I'd be able to stop feeling. Stop thinking. Stop losing everyone I love.
I can't believe he's gone.
The only thing I have left of him is a cup with his name all over it and two packets of tea he gave me the night my life became nothing. Of course have my half of the necklace. He's probably not wearing his half so it's not like it matters. Nothing I gave him probably means anything to him. Our friendship was probably a time killer until he got to leave. He made me believe he'd always be my friend. I remember the times when I was feeling so suicidal... I called him or talked to him and he'd just tell me all the things we'd get to do together and he kept saying "it's gonna be good" he kept saying that... And now what, Grey? What do you expect me to do now?
Fuck this. Fuck living. If my past means anything about my future I'm done. I don't want to have a fucking future. I'm done.
Damn you Grey.
You promised me. You fucking promised me.
True friends really do stab you in the front.
