She was released from the hospital 2 nights ago and all she wanted to do was stay in her room and sleep, so that's what she did. They had cleaned the house up since the incident and it was safe to be in, but she and Elliot were going to buy a new house sooner or later.
Ever since she had been home from everything happening, Elliot had slept on the couch. Olivia wasn't feeling all that great, and the presence of any guy around her other than Elliot, scared her more than she ever thought it would. He was the only guy she let get within arms length of her. She was okay with being around Cragen, Nick, and Fin, but she wouldn't let them touch her...she wasn't comfortable with that.
She heard a knock on the bedroom door followed by Elliot's voice. "Liv? Can I come in?" he asked, gently pushing the door open.
"Yeah," she said, somewhat faintly.
"Are you hungry? Do you want some water or something?"
"No, I'm fine. Thank you, though."
"Can I sit?" he asked, gesturing to the bed.
"Sure," she said before he took a seat next to where she was laying.
"Liv, you need to come out of the room, baby. It's not healthy."
"I don't want to...not now. Please, don't make me."
"Baby, I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do. I'm just saying, that maybe, you'd feel a bit better if you came out of the bedroom every now and then."
"I...I don't feel safe anymore. I'm not me. He broke me, El. He really broke me."
"Liv, he didn't break you. You're strong, you will overcome this and be stronger than ever. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Am I right?"
"I'm not broken? Really? Look at me! What do you call this? I'm just...so tired El," she said sitting up in the bed.
"Listen to me, you're going to be alright. We're going to be alright. You have to believe that...okay?" he said as she nodded her head, keeping back the tears that dared to fall.
"I didn't want to. I didn't want to do the things that happened. El, you have to believe me."
"Liv, I believe you. It happens. Do not blame yourself for this. You know this happens. All the years of telling victims that it's the body's natural response. Liv, I need you right now more than ever. I can't lose you."
"I know...I'm sorry. It's just hard."
"I know, baby...I know." he said softly.
"El?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you...still...love me?" she said quietly, as a tear fell down her face and she looked down.
"Liv, of course I still love you. Nothing would change that. I will always love you. No matter what happens. No matter what happened with Lewis, I love you so much and I don't want to lose you and I'm not going to lose you. Whatever I have to do to keep you, I'll do it. And I have to know that you're not going anywhere. I'm here for you and that's all that matters. I don't give a f*** what anybody else says, you're mine. Okay?" he said, lifting her chin to where they met eye to eye. Her face covered in tears that were still flowing from her eyes.
"Okay...El?"
"What is it, babe?"
"C-can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone," she said, her body shaking in fear.
"Of course. I'd do anything for you," he said before they got comfortable beside each other.
"Hold me...please," Olivia said, as she turned to face him.
"Of course," he said. She placed her face comfortably in his chest and he wrapped his arms as tight as he could without it being too tight around her small, bruised, and fragile body.
~~~
She woke up before him the next morning and a flashback went through her head.
Lewis grabbed her from behind, fulfilling his needs. Olivia stood in the middle of the room, disgusted. All she wanted right now was to be with Elliot. She didn't care about anything else but him. She knew living through this experience would be hard, and she honestly didn't know if she still had enough strength to do it.
The images finally stopped playing through her head as Elliot tried shaking her to get her out of the trance she was in. "Let me go! Let me go! Please! Just let me go!" she cried as she tried to get away.
"Liv, baby, it's me. It's Elliot. I'm right here."
"H-he grabbed me a-and h-"
"Baby, it's okay. I'm here. He's gone. It wasn't real," Elliot said, cutting her off.
"El...I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!"
"Don't be sorry, Liv."
"How? How can I not be sorry, El?" she said, wiping her tears, as it was no use as they kept falling.
"Wh-what are you talking about, Liv?" he said, trying to comfort his wife as she cried continuously with no control over it.
"How can I not be sorry for this? Look at us...look at me! I can't even sleep without having a dream o-or a flashback whenever it hits me! It's awful! How do you put up with me, El?! I'm a mess! He broke me! I'm broken! Wh-what he did to me...it's killing me and I sure know it's killing you! You have to put up with me! A-"
"Liv, calm down and listen to me, for one minute! Please!" he said, cutting her off.
"No! You listen to me! Please! I can't! I can't even move, think, o-or sleep without him coming into my head! Do you know how that feels?! It's horrible not being able to feel safe in my own home. I don't even want to live with myself, Elliot! A-and I don't blame you at all if you don't want to live with me, or if you don't love me anymore...I get it, El...I do," she said, trying to finally calm down.
"Liv...you can't say that stuff. I know, it's how you feel and I get that, I do. But you will get over that, okay? You have to trust me on that...you have to. I need you in my life. I can't live without you...I married you, Olivia and I married you for a good d*** reason. I'm not just letting you go! No matter what happens...I'm going to always be here with you....through thick and thin. I'm here and...God, Olivia, I love you. I love you so f*****g much and that's never going to change...ever. You need to understand that and I know all of this just happened, but you will get over that. I know you will. You're strong, and you will get there...and guess what, Liv? I'm gonna be right here through it all...right here. I'm not going anywhere and there is nothing...nothing that you can do or say to make me change my mind about that. I love you."
"I love you, too, El...I swear I do...it's just all of this..."
"Liv, I know. You don't have to explain to me, okay?" he said as she nodded her head, and allowed him to place a soft kiss on her forehead. "You want to try and get some rest since I know you didn't get much last night?"
Olivia just nodded her head and tried to fall back asleep...
YOU ARE READING
Suicidal
FanfictionOlivia came home one night without her husband. He decided to stay at work a little later to work on his DD5's. When Olivia walked through the door, she had a gun aimed at her head and her life flashed before her eyes. William Lewis, the perp she h...