Suicidal

Chapter 8

1 week later...

"Hey, Liv?" he asked from the kitchen, unpacking dishes and silverware.

"Yeah?" she said, a little loud from the living room, since the house was so huge.

"Did you find the last of the boxes?"

"Yeah, they were in our bedroom. Why?"

"I thought we may have left something either in the car or the other house," he said while walking in the living room and standing in the door frame, smiling while watching her unpack boxes of pictures of him and her.

She sat there, her back facing him, her not even realizing he was behind her. She was silently crying at the memories, not because she was upset, but because it was great memories. Elliot walked up behind her and sat beside her. She quickly wiped her tears. "Hey!" she said surpisingly, stressing the syllables of the word slightly.

"Liv..." he said, looking at the photo she held in her hand. It was when they got married, 16 years ago.

"I'm fine, El...really," she smiled. "Can you believe this was 16 years ago?"

"We got married a year after we first met. I proposed to you 6 months after the day we saw each other. I knew that you were the one...the woman that I would love every day for the rest of my life. Through the ups and the downs, no matter what we would go through."

"I felt the same way about you. I couldn't stop thinking about you from the minute I first laid eyes on you. After our first date, I was crazy about you. When we first kissed," a smile appearing on her face, "it was the best night of my life. I wanted to be with you forever. You were my first kiss and I want you to be my last."

By this time, Elliot was smiling and he pulled her into his arms. This made him feel so much better after everything that's happened. "I want to fix us. I want us to be back to the way we were...and I promise to you that we will be perfect. I just need some time," she said softly as their embrace came to an end.

"I know, Liv. But we'll get through this, like we always do. I love you."

"I love you, too. Life is just hard for me right now and I'm not making any promises that everything is going to be perfect or that I'm going to be perfect, but I can promise that I'm gonna keep on going because I want us back. I don't want to give all of this up because I know that without you I will never be happy again...especially with all that's happened. You know me better than anyone else and I can't bare to lose you, El."

"Liv, honey, it's okay. You're perfect to me and that's all that matters. Of course you will need time, but I want us back, too. So don't think that I don't. If I could take back what all happened...if I could've been there for you..." she cut him off.

"Elliot, stop. Please. I know that you want to be able to take back what all happened, but it's done. It happened. I'm alive. I'm not good, but I'm alive. We're here. That's all that matters. So just...stop."

"All I want is to make it better. You know that. But you obviously don't want my help, so I'm going to back up and let you cope. When you're ready, we're going to be fine," he said softly before kissing her forehead and walking off.

~~~

The next morning it was time for Elliot to head back into work. After all, he couldn't just miss work every single day, they had bills to pay and he didn't want them to lose their home...they've already lost so much. "Liv, I'm leaving for work. I'll see you after, I love you," he whispered in her ear and kissed her on the cheek before walking out of their bedroom.

Olivia woke up a few hours later after having another awful dream about Lewis. All she truly wanted to do deep down was kill herself...but she knew Elliot could come home any minute, like last time, and her not even be dead yet. She wants to be out of this world so bad, but then again, she wants to overcome this. She loves Elliot and she doesn't want him to leave her, although she knows he won't, she wants to fix everything. "I'm so worthless...he doesn't deserve me...not after this. I don't want to live with myself..." her thoughts taking over. If she tried to kill herself again, there was a 50/50 chance that she would be put in a rehab center and she didn't want that. If she wanted out of this world, she would have to make sure that the impact of whatever she decided to do would kill her shortly.

There were no guns in the house when Elliot wasn't around. The handguns they had were locked in a safe until Elliot got home. He was the only one that knew the code to unlock the safe.

A knife didn't work...she tried that last time. But that's what she decided to do again. Just cut herself. She doesn't want to leave Elliot alone. She wants them to be happy, but right now, she feels as if she needs to experience pain.

She grabbed a knife from the kitchen and went into one of the bathrooms downstairs. This time, she was smart about it. She put a couple of dark towels in the floor and this time, decided cut on her legs. Elliot wouldn't see the cuts there.

She took the knife and sat on the towels. Pulled her sweat pants off and began to make a cut across her thigh. She let out a small cry, but continued to make cuts. Blood poured onto the towels and she finally came to a stop.

She sat there for a few minutes, to let the bleeding slow down. She slowly stood up and grabbed some gauze from the medicine cabinet and placed it around her left thigh. Olivia took some medical tape and placed one layer around the gauze to keep it in place.

She quickly threw the towels in the washing machine and put her sweat pants back on. Olivia washed the knife off and placed it back in the drawer and acted as if nothing happened.

~~~

Elliot came through the door a few hours later. "Liv! I'm home!" he shouted, locking the door behind him.

"I'm in here," she said loudly enough for him to hear her.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing, El. I'm fine..." she plastered a slight smile on her face as the night went on.

A/N~ GUYS IM STILL ALIVE!😂 I know I haven't been writing a lot, but that's because I am working on publishing a new book soon!! I hope you all are as excited as I am!! I'm still deciphering which one to publish, but one will be up very soon! And I know I haven't updated "All This Time" in a while, but that will be coming soon...OMG!! There's so much to do and I am stressing out! Plus, school is kicking my a** and I'm constantly studying, so I hope
you all understand my reasons for not writing, but trust me: I HAVENT FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY BOOKS!! Thank you all for sticking with me. I REALLY REALLY appreciate it. Love you guys😘😘