Suicidal

Chapter 10

3 months later...

Olivia was back at work. She could finally handle it and was able to help the victims instead of becoming emotionally unstable every time someone mentioned the word 'rape'.

They had just arrived for work and Elliot and Olivia were a bit early, as per usual. They saw Fin talking to Cragen in his office. "I wonder what's going on in there," Olivia's voice spoke up as she walked towards her desk.

"Knowing Fin and Cragen...there's no telling what those two are up to," Elliot laughed a little, causing a slight smile to appear on Olivia's face.

It made her happy to hear his laugh, which she rarely heard anymore. He so badly wanted to hear her's, but he knew with her still not completely over Lewis, he was happy to get a smile. If he ever got a laugh, it was a miracle.

Elliot looked up from his desk to see Cragen shaking Fin's hand. "Must be something pretty serious," his voice was deep.

"Do you think that they're concerned about me? That I can't do my job properly?" Olivia asked in a worried voice.

"No, Cragen knows your standards. He knows that you're getting better. He knows he can trust you and ever since you've been back, you've handled it all so well."

"I guess you're right...for once in your life," she laughed, although it lasted only 2 seconds...it was the only laugh Elliot had heard from her in months.

"Was that a laugh I heard?" Elliot's face lit up.

"I think that's what it's called," she smiled a little. "I know I haven't been myself, and I'm trying so hard to go back to being me. I'm really trying, El."

~~~

Olivia hadn't had many flashbacks or dreams about Lewis since trial. She knew he was put away for good, but she was still afraid of the possibilities.

She could finally, on most days, get a good night's sleep. Something about Lewis being in prison made her feel somewhat better, but it wasn't a cure for what he did to her.

She was still broken, but some of her had been put back together. For that, she had Elliot to thank. He was there for her and never left her...even on her darkest days.

~~~

One night, she woke up in the middle of the night screaming due to a paralysis dream. It was Lewis. He had her tied down and was raping her, but no matter what she did, she couldn't move.

Elliot rolled over to face his wife after he heard her screams. "Olivia? What's going on? Are you okay?" he asked with concern as he sat up and placed his hand on her back.

"I...It was just a bad dream. I'm fine," she stated with a brief smile.

"Tell me what it was about," his words were demanding, but somehow still soft.

"It was nothing."

"Olivia, please. I'm here for you. I always have been."

"It was a paralysis dream about Lewis. I was tied up and he was raping me and I couldn't do anything," she spoke softly as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Come here," he said as he took her in his embrace.

"I just don't understand! I haven't had a dream like that...ever. Never a paralysis dream. I've had dreams about it, but I was always able to move."

"It's okay. I'm right here."

Tears were streaming down her face, but she wasn't making much noise while she cried. This dream felt so real that it scared her. What if, somehow, Lewis would find her and do all of this traumatizing stuff to her?

"Liv, I need to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours," he looked at her, hoping to get some sort of a smile, but got nothing in return.

"El, I'm scared. I don't want anything like that to happen to me again."

"And it won't. Lewis is in prison. For good."

"I know. I know. It's just I'm still just paranoid...about everything. I'm scared that wherever I go, he will be there."

"Whatever he did, or said, to you back at trial a few months back...just know that he cannot do that to you any longer," his face was full of concern. He kissed her forehead and her eyes closed.

There was no way that he could convince her of this not happening again because of how paranoid and traumatized she is. All he wanted to do was make her feel better in some way, but it never seemed to work.

She was making progress...slowly but surely. She didn't stay locked up in the bedroom for hours at a time. She began to eat 3 meals a day again, and wasn't dehydrated or malnourished.

Her scars and bruises were mostly gone. Except for the burns he placed on her inner thighs. She didn't know when those would go away.

Olivia had always dreamed to start a family with Elliot, but ever since Lewis she hadn't even been able to kiss Elliot's lips. She wanted to be a mother, but even now she feels like she can't overcome this.

She was getting better...or so she thought.

A/N~ HOLA BEAUTIFUL READERS !! IT'S ME !! I AM
SO GLAD TO BE BACK !! I HAVE MISSED WRITING SO MUCH !! I once again want to apologize for previous grammar errors haha !! Also, I've decided that I will be extending my books to other fandoms other than SVU/Bensler/Mariska/Chris books. I still have a few books in my drafts of them that I still haven't published because I am waiting for the right time. A few of my new books will include: Once Upon A Time, Bates Motel, Grey's Anatomy (maybe ??), and possibly more, but I'm not sure yet. But, as usual, let me know in the comments how this chapter was !! So so sorry for the long update periods, you can thank my school haha. Okay, loves. Until next time❤❤