Runaways (A Jack Barakat Fanfic)

13 - A Sad, Sad Goodbye

Jack

"Jack?" Her voice was soft, almost transparent, but I couldn't face her. "Jack, come on. Tell me what was going on and I promise I won't be mad at you." She sounded weak. It was killing me.

"You know what was going on between us; nothing. But I can't help it, Jay." I told her. My eyes were full to the brim with tears and I couldn't hold back any longer. I began to sob with my head on the bed by her side, and she placed a hand on my hair, running her fingers through it as she used to. I could feel her fingers, cold to the touch, brush against my neck every so often, and the longer I sat there, the more I needed her to carry on. She was calming the war raging inside my head, although there was no true solution to my problem.

"I know you love her, Jack. I can see by the way you look at her. I'm not angry at you either, and I thought I would be." She admitted. I lifted my head up and looked her in the eyes. She was exhausted, and I looked over at the incubator at the other side of the bed to see our sleeping baby girl, peaceful. Was it really worth it, one life for another? I wanted them both to be okay, but that must have been too much to ask.

"Why are you not mad at me?" I asked. "It would have made things so much easier,"

"I'm not easy, remember?" She joked. I stood up and kissed her on the forehead. She let a tear fall from her eye, and I felt terrible for not feeling anything even remotely close to what I felt when I was with Rhianne. Of course, I was devastated and I didn't want to lose Jasey, but I didn't love her like I used to. Perhaps I had jumped back into our relationship too early, because I thought I knew exactly what I was doing, but I was completely wrong.

We talked for a long time. Jasey knew that she wasn't going to survive for long, and it was only a matter of time before I lost her again. I thought about little Carla and how I'd have to bring her up alone, and said some things that were harsh toward her about leaving me again. I felt awful, but she made sure I knew  that our little girl would have so many aunties and uncles to help look after her. It just wouldn't be the same for her growing up without a mother. I felt responsible for that.

She asked about Rhianne and I, and I felt my cheeks turn pink as I told her about the day we met and the night of Vic's party. She just smiled and stayed quiet, knowing that my feelings for Rhianne were much stronger than the ones I felt for her. I couldn't help it, and she told me that she understood. I didn't believe her, of course. How could I? The Jasey I once loved was jealous at the mere mention of another girl's name, and I was supposed to accept the way she was behaving?

"Jack, you need to tell her how you feel. I'm not going to be here forever, and I want you to know that I want you to be happy, whether that means you leaving me to be with the girl you love or not. If she really makes you as happy as you say she does, then you'd run to her and leave me behind." I held her hand as she spoke. "Just promise you'll never forget me; I have nobody else to remember me now, and you mean the world to me, Jack Barakat. You might not believe me, but I love you."

"I'm so sorry," I choked out between sobs.

After a while of crying and apologising for my feelings, I left the room to talk to Rhianne. I explained everything, and I kissed her like I had never kissed anybody else in my life. It felt so right despite the circumstances, and I felt as though I thrived while our lips touched. I couldn't get enough of her; her freshly dyed dark hair, her beautiful green eyes and her perfect lips... She was heaven, and I wasn't worthy of the glow she radiated around the room as she stood there, innocent as ever.

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"I want you to look after my baby."Jasey told Rhianne. "I know we've never seen eye to eye, but Jack trusts you with his life, and so I do too. I want you to know that I never meant for any of this to happen, and I'm so sorry for hurting you both." She apologised so many times before it happened, and I felt awful for not saying anything in response. The heart monitor beeped continuously and the line went flat.