those cold autumn days

the leaves cracked under my feet as I stepped on them. the wind was blowing my hair around and I held my coat tighter to my body. I put my headphones in my ears and turned my volume a point away from the loudest, Ed Sheeran played in my head and bounced in my mind. I kept walking and acted like I was in a music video, no one was outside because it was like 40 degrees out and windy, so I thought it would be okay to just act dramatic. I walked past the corner of our small, old town and down a hill with many old homes. I walked past the fire station and past the Edmund's house, with the big scary dog. well I ran past their house. I felt my hands cold and numb and turned to my house walking up the front porch and opening the front door. I shut it quickly and the warm air hugged me real tight. I unzipped my coat and took off my shoes and ran up the steps. the middle floor was where my older brothers slept and my parents. I slept on the third floor, in the attic. it was pretty nice but kinda got really cold at night. I opened the door and shut it behind me going up the steps. I put my shoes in the corner and hung my coat and scarf on a peg above my shoes. I went to my drawer and took out my fuzzy poka-dotted socks and pulled them over my other socks I was wearing earlier. I sat on my bed, which was a queen, my parents spoiled me for I was the youngest and had to take the cold freezing attic. I pulled my laptop off my desk and pulled set it infront of me on the bed and I laid down scrolling through twitter. the normal drama, girls complaining about their perfect relationships and bragging on how hot their boyfriend is. I have never had a boyfriend, it's not that I'm ugly, I always get told I'm beautiful by everyone I just don't want a drama relationship where you can't focus on homework or studying or family and all your focused on is him. I felt my phone vibrate from underneath me and I swiped to unlock it and put in my pass code. it was Maddi. she asked for me to go to the football game with her but I said no. I didn't respond to her message I just put it on my pillow. nothing good was on twitter so I shut my laptop and went to my window. I sat on my window seat wrapped in my big sweater and stared out the window. thinking about life, but I always do that. I think to much. I always think of the worst things that could happen. but what can I say? I guess I'm preparing myself for no tears and no pain.