one-shots | snk/aot

If's Pt. 1 - Armin X Reader

"Armin, where's your mom?" You asked, scribbling on your sketch book. It was mother's day and while other toddlers were inside their houses, celebrating with their beloved ones, you were spending the day with Armin.

He put his book down and scooted closer to you, "Probably with your mom, up there," he pointed at the blue patch of sky in your drawing, "in a better place, as grandpa always tells me." We're always told little lies to soften the raw truth, but maybe Armin was too smart to actually believe them. Maybe that's why it pained you whenever he tried convincing himself that all the pretty fairy tales told by grown ups could actually be true. Maybe, just maybe.

You found out living a life composed by 'maybe's wasn't all that bad. Maybe a hero'll ascend down the skies and save humanity. Maybe you're eating warm instead of cold soup tonight. Maybe tonight you'll be free from all the nightmares and cold perspiration. Maybe mother wasn't dead. Maybe Armin loves you too.

And after all these thoughts, you begin to feel a bit better.

The sun scorched above you, but the tree kept you cool. And you wondered, if the gods could grant wishes, then why did they make you suffer so much? Why do they help those with everything in their hands, instead of assisting those who have nothing but wishes to feed their bones?

"Armin.. are you lonely?" You sat up, looking directly in his eyes. His hair fluttered and covered his mouth and for a second you thought he was smiling, almost certain he'd answer no. After all, you were right next to him.

"Yes." He answered curtly. And you wondered again, if a lonely person met another lonely person, would that make them feel less empty?

•

•••

•

Armin's reply still ached your chest, even after 7 years. You looked at the same blond boy, except he was taller, loftier, better at faking smiles, and no longer beside you but instead always in front of you. From time to time, you still contemplate going over to the headquarter's library and finding him there, in hopes of regaining your friendship that was never planned to last.

Many months have passed since you've joined the Survey Corps, enough time for you to have actually memorized the structure of Armin's back. Would you ever catch up to him? Stand right next to him, and claim that place beside him yours again?

Probably not. He was better off with Mikasa and Eren. Hopefully, they made him feel less lonely.

"F/n!" You look sideways as Krista comes skipping inside the cafeteria, along with Ymir, "Do you want some?" She asked, offering you a fresh piece of bread. You kindly rejected.

"I'm okay," You smile as they took a seat. On certain days, you feel like ripping your hair out whenever Krista tries small-talking with you, because you know it's her good nature trying to feel pity for you. Except pity was the last thing you needed.

Sometimes comforting embraces can feel like needles prickling your skin. Sometimes consoling smiles make you feel nauseous and weak. Sometimes

all we need is someone that shares your pain, who knows and understands why your world lacks color. And certainly, god gave you that somebody, but you were stupid. And you let him go.

"You have stars in your eyes, f/n." Krista says.

"What?"

"Whenever you look at him, they twinkle. Don't they, Ymir?"

"I wouldn't call them stars.. but they definitely shine. Are you friends with him?" Ymir asks.

"Who are you talking about?" You ask, intrigued.

"That little mushroom over there." Ymir points at Armin, chuckling.

"If he's a mushroom, then what the hell am I?" You laugh at Krista's exclamation, glad she was able to avert Ymir's question.

Either way, you'd deny having any kind of relation with Armin. Even if you did have, it wouldn't matter anyways. Clearly, it didn't matter to Armin, so what's the point? Even if you did happen to have stars in your eyes whenever you saw him, what's the point?

You were both squares in a world full of circles, and being different felt wonderful, because somehow there was beauty in everything Armin did. So why? Why did he have to try fitting in with the rest? Why did he try so hard to pull away the tie that bound you together, as if you were nothing but a plague? Why couldn't he have a wonderful time when being with you, too?

"See Krista? Those are not stars. Those are tears."

If a lonely person felt the need to cry, on whose shoulder would she weep?

(she cries herself to sleep)

+++

Author takin over. I know this was short, but you could call this a prologue I guess. I'm dividing this in pieces, so I can motivate myself to actually FINISH writing this one-shot.

There must be like 5 one-shots still in progress on my drafts but hmmmmmmm. who cares. they're never getting published.

I'M DOING THIS SO THE HYPE DOESN'T DIE. iknowitsalreadydead