Life as it goes...

4. Time flies

Max

She didn't hear me, she did not hear me why on earth isn't she listening is all I can think when she doesn't move. I'm terrified, I can't handle it to relive the past. But than, she suddenly moves. I guess she partly did hear what I said, because she slowly turns around and puts her legs over the ledge. I do not want anything to happen to her, so I run to her and as soon as she is with both feet on the ground she falls down, which scared me until I realised, after a few seconds, she felt hopeless and needed someone. I was going to be that someone. I put my arms around her as a gesture, to show her that I was still there to talk to, to open up to and to find comfort. I repeated that I knew her, or at least that I knew who she was because I always saw her, I told her my name and how I felt connected to her in some way, because I still wasn't completely sure if she heard everything I told her before. Suddenly, it was like we had known each other for years. It felt very weird, I'm not the type of person to open up to someone or to talk with for hours. I'm simply too shy and I'm not like most other boys, who talk to every girl or boy they see. This is the main reason why a lot of people at school don't really know what to think of me. She told me her name was Sam and we talked for so long, about school, life, the accident and my experiences with my sisters death and how I'm handling it. I tell her how it feels to lose someone who means the world to you, how it feels to wake up everyday and being hit in the face by the idea that the person you loved the most isn't with you anymore. I'm hoping she will change her mind and think about what she has been considering for the past few months. Sam is the kind of girl you read about on the Internet or in books, she's broken. When my sister came closer to the day she was going to commit suicide, there was nothing left but pure sadness. I can see that Same still has hope, a tiny bit. In that moment I decide that I will do everything to get her to have faith. I tell her that, and she looks up at me and stares for a moment with really big eyes. I love her eyes. My sister always told me eyes say a lot about someone's personality. Her eyes have something mysterious and something very kind, they're dark and light and the same time. Than she smiles, a very shy smile.

Behind her the sun is coming up and I ask her if she wants to go home with me, to get warm and maybe eat or drink something. She gets up and immediately comes with me, and it doesn't feel weird at all. I trust her and I guess she trusts me too. When we get inside I make her a cup of tea, that's what my mom or dad always makes me when I'm cold or sad. I stood on the opposite side, looking at her. I think she didn't realise I was looking, because after half an hour in silence she finally looked up and started talking again. She told me about her friends that weren't really her friends. Sure, she did have fun with them at school and the place where she lived, but no connection to tell them her true and hidden feelings. I'm really glad she can talk to me like I can talk to her and like I could talk to my sister. I'm not sure how we got there but it was about the accident again and I really wanted to know how she experienced it. So she started to talk. I listened to her story and to her soft voice, to the fragile girl who I already knew was going to be my friend.

After she was done I didn't know what to say. I felt bad but I didn't have pity, I wanted to run to her and hug her but I didn't want to because I didn't know how she would react. So I just stood there and we looked at each other for a moment. After some time I put up a crooked smile and she looked down at her tea again. The silence wasn't awkward like when you're with strangers and everyone feels like they have to say something but no one knows what, not an awkward silence like when you're at school and you're the first person in the classroom with the teacher. It was a comforting silence, like when you are with your best friends and you just sit together and suddenly there's a complete silence and you all realise at the same moment how much you actually love each other, but none of you will ever admit it.

I hear the front door. It's probably my mom with my little brother Luke. She is very confused when she sees Sam and me standing there, I can see it on her face. Luke is just sputtering with his hands grasping in the air. When he finally sees me he starts laughing. I love him, but he is still way too small to take the same place as my sister. Sam grabs her phone and puts down her tea, she smiles at my mom and I guess at me too, but I didn't look up. She thanks my mom and leaves. When I hear the front door again I manage to look up and see it's dark outside. My mom is still staring at me with confusion and I stare back when she suddenly says: 'isn't that the girl who lost her parents in the accident a few months ago?' I nod my head yes. My mom knows everything about this town and the people who live here, I have the same thing. I love my parents, but I barely tell them. I think they know that i love them, just like I know that they love me. I hug Luke and give my mom a kiss on her cheek and I go to my room.

Sam better doesn't do anything stupid. She has to live, she has to find courage and she needs to have faith. I cannot lose another person that I care about, I just can't. Oh god, I hope she is okay..