Life as it goes...

7. Human Nature

Sam

I know how liberating it feels to just rant and rant until your heart is content and so I let Max rant until he is calm and relaxes. As he keeps talking and talking I can see it in his face the way he is relaxing the more he talks about his week the more I can see him tense up and relax until he is nothing more

I do not know what to say after all he has told me I wish I could say that my week was an interesting and as stressful as his but in reality it wasn't, I just had my regular chores and a little bit of studying to do since school does not start for another week were I attend. Sometimes I feel like with Max my life is not as interesting as his, somehow I really want to have a more interesting life where I can go on and on for hours and not feel like I am bothering him with all that I have done. I want my life to be that nice and engaging. But in reality it is not, I do not know what to tell him next, that is until he starts to talk about how much he loves the album I got him but I never did get him an album. I do not know how I am going to tell him that the girl who bought him the album wasn't me. he will be devastated. Thinking that I am sharing Max with another girl makes em mad I mean we are not dating or anything but thinking of Max spending time with someone else and being close to someone else makes me mad. I do not know why but it does. I finally slip it into the conversation, his expression is blank. He thinks I am joking yet I am not I seriously did not get him the album. I would never get him a Guns and Roses album, why would I share and album with which I have so many bad memories connoted.

We are silent. We do not know what to talk about now. I kind of pulled back, I should have never mentioned that I didn't buy him the album. After a few silent sips and gulps I finally break the silence and suggest 20 questions to learn new things about each other. I love this game to get to know a person. It give you a reason to ask uncomfortable questions and getting away with it.

We never manage to get to 20 questions because the bar staff approaches our table to advise us that we need to vacate the table as it is now closing time. Wait, what? Closing time? I snip a glance at my watch yep it is 8 pm how didn't we see the time passing. We close our tab and leave the coffee shop it is now that I realise that the light was replaced with darkness and the sun by the moon. But I do not feel ready to say bye to Max yet. I ask him if he has school the next day not realising that today is Sunday, we slowly walk to Max's house, he invites me in and we stay in his living room for a while in a slight hug, I love how we can cuddle and it feels comfortable even though we have not met so long ago. We stay like that for a while every so often passing a comment or a remark on how we are feeling, I can feel the cold embracing us as I cuddle closer to Max. I think of a quote I read not long ago:

"Sometimes you meet someone and their presence feels like home. The air around them is a little odd and new but somehow it feels like home."

Now I really understand what the author means every time I hang out with Max. I slowly drift into sleep I can feel movement around me but my eyelids are to tired to bat open until they slowly flutter open. The first thing I notice is the bright light coming from the window,blue paint surrounds me everywhere. I feel something shifting under me and it is now that I realise that I am sleeping on top of Max. I am in his room. OMG what have I done, panic starts to grow from deep inside me and I begin to hyper ventilate. It is at this moment that Max wakes up. He calms me but the more he touches me to sooth me the more I feel constricted and the more I feel like I am trapped, panic continues to arise until all of a sudden I look up to Max and realise that he had stopped soothing me and now is standing up three steps away from my bed. He waits for me to calm down until he explains what had happened. I agree with him, having his father waking up to find a random girl sleeping on the sofa in his living room is weird. After I calmed down, I stay for breakfast as Rose insisted, now I get from where Max gets his stubbornness, his mum is really really persistent when she wants something.

I slowly walk home as Max walks to school, I am so glad that I met Max he made me gain my sense of self again after so long that I had forgotten how it feels to be connected to my feelings. It is not as bad as I would have thought, I enter Dylan's record studio I now really want to know who bought the album for Max, Dylan knows me since its not the first time we hung out at his shop. Dylan says he has no idea who she is but he implies other ways by the way that he talks and acts. Well anyways he would most probably meet hundreds of people everyone would forgot who bought what for whom. And so I let it go, if it is really important Max will tell me.

On Wednesday I ended up at the library, you would think that repeating a year is easy but when you set yourself nearly unrealistic goals you end up waking up and not knowing when you will sleep again. Studying is my favourite hobby, there is something about drilling new information into my mind until it becomes second nature to me that fascinates me. It always had I was the low key nerd of the school, I did not look like a nerd but I much rather study than go out. I always put to much on my plate and end up always being busy. Maybe I have always been a little more comfortable in chaos. At nine in the evening I leave the library start my way home but as I was walking I saw him amongst others waiting at the bus stop. It's so weird how, bad people and good people all look the same I mean I just saw him, Rob, my friend's rapist and well he is just a regular guy I mean it is so weird that these people are just normal people who mix with the others around us. They are the ones we meet everyday, he is nothing different that the rest unless you know his past and what he did. There is nothing to distinguish him as bad.

I get so mad when ever I see him but I can't do anything because I shouldn't even know what happened and it is not my story to tell but I really hate it. He goes to my school and I see him quite often even with other girls and I can't do anything to prevent it. It would be weird. It is so angering but there is nothing I can do and to think that there are so many other people like him what we do not even know of. I really hate knowing stuff like this because it makes me more self aware and more aware of who I trust I already am very hard to trust people completely and thinking of people like him makes me more reserved about who I trust.

My mind is now just a spiral and I am going down it way too hard, I call Max, wait should I even trust him I do not know if he is saying the truth about who he is, ohh well I call him nonetheless, he rushes to my school even though it is late, in 20 minutes he is here, I reluctantly climb into his car, I really hate these metal death traps. I explain everything that has happened and we talk not going anywhere he know how I feel about talking when someone is driving so we talk in the parking lot. I explain how Julia used to go out with Rob but didn't want to get involved with him or anyone for that matter that way, she did not feel ready but for him going out meant he could do whatever he wants. Julia was shattered, she went to the police but since they both were under 18 there was nothing the police could do. The whole process was very hushed and so no one apart from Julia and me know about who Rob really is what he really did. The conversation kept on going and we really argued on the topic, how can guys think that they own their girlfriends, Max also thinks that if they were dating Rob didn't do anything wrong. I mean seriously, her body is her body any sane person would ask permission before doing anything to some one, wether you are dating them or not. Man how can guys be so stupid. I would have left at that very second but Max locked the car doors and he refused to let me go until I explained why he was wrong. He kept on insisting that his point is valid and it is not. He may have a right on what he does with his own body but when it comes to another persons body he had no say. Not even if they were dating, heck not even if they were married for that sake you cannot take advantage of another person if they are feeling uncomfortable. After 30 minutes of arguing I think he is finally understanding what I am trying to say, I really hope I changed his mind about the topic, I feel quite confident, that is until he asks me " But what if she has already said yes before?" All progress was lost and I started to explain again from the beginning, thinking how sex crazed our generation heck our whole world has become. Half way through my explanation I realised what would make him realise how I was right and he was wrong.

"What if Amy was the one in question?" I say. I see him straighten up and compose himself,
"What do you mean? Don't even dare try to win an argument by bringing Amy into the picture, she has nothing to do with it"

"Hypothetically. I mean wouldn't you want to know that if anyone tried to have sex with Amy she was willing to"
"Well yea I would want to know that she was willing and not forced"
"Every time?"
"Well duh what sense would it make any other way" I looked at him with a self explanatory face expression.

"OHHHHHH" his face lit up I think now he finally got it. The air is stale around us and us arguing in a small space really made the car feel smaller than it is.

Max starts the engine and begins to drive, I can feel my eyelids getting droopy as I realise that it is now 11:30 pm, time really is an illusion, it flies when you are enjoying yourself or comfortable. He drops me off in front of the house and leaves. I look at his tail lights as he is driving away, and think how funny life is the way one at a point a person can consume your whole life.

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There is something called PROCRASTINATION... It basically sponsors every chapter written by me.

I hope you like this chapter, can't wait for the next chapter and what is going to happen next to out characters.

Take it away Lotte xx


Love,
Bobz