glory and gore ; phan

ix

"are you going to say anything or not?" phil abruptly inquired, hints of anger, frustration, worry, and hurt laced throughout his rushed words. neither of them had spoken a word since leaving the hospital, for the reasons of neither of them wanted to ruin anything, though dan interrogated himself as to what there even was to ruin, and because neither of them really knew what to say. "do you want me to?" the brunette grumbled frustratedly, tugging on bits of his overgrown hair as he thought in messy, self-loathing rambles and fragments.

"i don't know, just, just say something. i hate silence," phil muttered, clenching his jaw and he pulled a sharp u-turn. dan remained silent for a moment before quietly muttering, "me too." phil exhaled deeply. "are you going to tell me about the hosp-shit!" he suddenly gasped, slamming his foot down on the breaks and sending them both plummeting forwards into their seat belts.

before dan had a moment to think, he found himself coughing up the bitter smoke that seemed to rapidly fill up his lungs as if he was drowning, and upon opening his eyes he saw his own reoccurring nightmare. water submerging his weak body, the liquid drowning his weak mind, filling up his lungs and sinking him like lead. the word weak plastered in his blurring vision as his body continued to soak into the abyss, just like it had five years ago-

"d-dan? dan, c-come on. wake up," phil's voice stammered, and suddenly the water submerging his lungs was replaced with the hazy smoke that drilled out of the burning car he still so barely-consciously laid in. "come on," the raven-haired man repeated, dan feeling his hands wrap around his limp shoulders and drag him out onto the contrastingly-cold cement. "dan, wake up," phil said hurriedly, his ash-laced fingertips brushing up against the side of dan's face. "phil," the brunette voiced huskily after a moment of his voice letting out on him. "what happened?"

phil's weak grin dropped to a paranoid glare as his head shot up and scanned the area. "i, i saw someone, in the road, and i," he stopped abruptly, but dan didn't realize why until his vision had cleared enough to recognize a rifle a few inches away from phil's head. phil's shaky breath filled the crackling silence as dan watched the man cock the gun, let a smirk taint his murderous lips, and-

beep !!

a single honk of a horn boomed in the silence before the man's body went flying forward, pushed by his collision with a familiar green can. "you lucky son of a bitch, what the hell are you doing?" chris scoffed, the two letting out the breaths they were holding and shakily rising to their feet. "damn you, always having the perfect fucking timing," dan muttered, barely stifling a smile as he crawled into the van with phil beside him. "who's this poor bastard?" chris inquired, glancing briefly at a visibly shaken up phil. "oh, that's phil."

"how're you so calm?" phil snapped, glaring at dan. "i don't place much stock in trauma," he answered, his lips pursed as he ran his fingers through his hair. "got anything?" he asked in chris's direction, the driving brunette popping open the glovebox. "got headache shit, pain meds, antidepressants," he paused, briefly looking over the bottle. "wait, these are yours," he dimly chuckled, throwing the canister behind him.

"considering i used to live in this piece of shit, i'm not surprised," dan said, washing a few of the white capsules down his craving throat and deeply exhaling. "the bottle's nearly empty," chris added, dan letting out a disappointed scoff in response. "again, not surprising."

"where're we going?" phil questioned, furrowing his eyebrows. both brunettes glanced at him for a while before articulating a reply, causing his restlessness to spike even more. "uh, well, we're going to vegas," chris said, almost like a question, as he returned his gaze to the road. "it's the safest bet, i highly doubt they'll follow us all the way to america," dan added, nodding as if he was trying to convince himself more than anyone. phil abruptly shook his head. "i can't go to.. take me home," he stammered, stumbling for words as he stressfully tugged on his hair.

chris looked to dan, who hesitantly nodded. "take us back to our building," he said slowly, as if formulating a plan in his jumbled thoughts. phil uneasily nodded, chewing on his bottom lip nervously as their building came into view. "i'll walk you in," dan mumbled absentmindedly, his gaze off in the hazy distance.

"take the back," the brunette suddenly added, pulling on phil's sleeve and looking towards the two men stood at the door, as if waiting for someone. phil's gaze widened as he staggered away towards the back entrance, dan beside him. soon, they were quietly retreating into the somewhat-false sense of comfort of being behind a locked door. but upon turning around seeing the inside of phil's flat, his breath hitched in his throat as his eyes grazed over the multitude of paintings that freckled his living space.

one painting, in particular, caught his eye. a painting that from afar appeared like a blank canvas, but up close, the acute strokes of light grays and the hazy smoke of off-whites were flicked around the painting, giving it it's equivocal facet. "it seems that most would consider the color white to be plain or untouched or lifeless, but i find it to be the most complex of colours, with its contrastive interpretations," phil said sheepishly as he saw how the brunette was staring at it.

"maybe it symbolizes virtue or morality, or maybe it's a mask, concealing the bitter antipathy that hides behind a white-toothed smile. maybe its unprejudiced, not one thing or another, or maybe it's a psychological shade that symbolizes purpose and tenacity. though perhaps it's the fact that its seen as boring and unvarying that gives it a class of empathic characteristics. or, perhaps," he paused, "white is humanity; after all, humanity is virtuous, vitriolic, unprejudiced, purposed, and empathetic. a compilation of cruelty and benevolence; the beginning of everything," he paused again, letting out a breathy chuckle. "'the beginning of everything,' does that even make sense? probably not, and after all, it is just a color," he shrugged, but his attempt of shrugging off the speech he had just given had seemingly no affect on dan's fixation on the calming painting.

maybe he felt a connection to it because of the simple aspect of its tranquility, or the aesthetic level. or maybe he felt a connection to it because of his current situation, which consisted of a trashed flat, spontaneous move to vegas, and a crush on phil lester. and before any force of nature or karma or the universe or god himself had a chance to do anything to either of them, the brunette's chapped lips were swiftly attached to the flushed man beside him, who took a mere second to turn the tables and pin dan against the wall, smirking into the elevating kiss.

"come with me to vegas," dan mumbled quietly as he broke the kiss, phil brushing his thumb over the brunette's bruised bottom lip. phil let a smirk run across his lips as he pecked dan once more.

"give me five minutes to get my stuff."