Stay

Baby please

It had been over a week. I had maybe slept a few hours. I couldn't sleep unless I was in Marshall's arms but that wasn't an option anymore. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anything. I didn't have Marshall anymore. He hated me. He hated me so much. I had stopped crying. I don't think I had anymore tears in me left to cry or else I would. I looked in my bedroom body mirror at how fat I was. I poked my stomach and my legs and my ugly scars. They were so ugly. I was so ugly. I looked down at my arm at the large scar on it. It brought back a lot of memories. How easy it was to do that to myself and it gave me an idea. I walked into my bathroom and looked in my mirror. My make up was smeared everywhere from crying so much. I looked terrible. I opened up the cabinet that was behind the mirror and took out a box. It had blades in it. I took one out and stared at it. It was so shiny and sharp. I sat down in my bathroom floor and looked at my left arm. I couldn't do it over that old scar. I looked at my right arm. It was free of scars. It would be easier there. I heard a faint knocking at my door but I was zoned out. Focused on nothing except what I was about to do.

Marshall's POV:

I got to Alex's place and knocked on the door but no one answered. I knew she was here. I saw her car down in the lot. I knocked again and nothing. Shit. I wondered if she was okay. I went to try the door and it was unlocked. I stepped inside and I didn't see her. The bathroom door was closed so I walked over to it and knocked. Nothing. "Alex, are you in there? Look I'm sorry please talk to me." Still I got no reply. I opened the door and she was sitting on the floor. Oh my god. There was blood all over the floor. She had a blade and was pressing it down. Hard. She was almost half way up her arm. As quickly as I could I screamed "ALEX!" And ran over to her and took the blade from her. Before that it was like she was in a trance. Suddenly she started moving and yelling. She was bleeding so much. Blood was everywhere. She was kicking me and moving everywhere and screaming. "GIVE IT BACK TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME! PLEASE PLEASE JUST GIVE IT BACK TO ME I NEED THAT!" She cried and tried to get the blade out of my hand. I held her as tight as I could. I just rocked her and whispered "Please. Please baby. Please stop." She finally calmed down but she was still breathing hard. I had to get her to a hospital. I carried her to my car and put her in the front seat. I took my t-shirt off and wrapped it and tied it around her arm and put her seat belt on. I threw on a hoodie since I didn't have a shirt. As quickly as I could I got into the car and started driving. She was falling asleep. Fuck! I yelled at her and shook her shoulders. "Baby! Baby come on look at me! Alex please look at me wake up!" My eyes were blurry as I was driving but I finally got her to the hospital and carried her in. "PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME SHE NEEDS HELP!" Nurses came immediately and took her from me and told me to stay in the waiting room. After hours the doctor came out and said "Mr. Mathers?" I quickly stood up and walked over to him. "Yeah? Is she okay? Is she gonna be okay what happened?" The doctor tried to calm me and reassured me that after a few days she would be okay but she lost a lot of blood. I was allowed to go see her but she needed rest soon. I nodded thanks to him and quietly went into her room. Her face was turned to the side and her eyes were closed. Without looking at me she said "go away." I came in a little more and softly said "baby it's me." That got her attention and she sat up quickly. She looked at me and hid her arms under her blankets. She looked like she was about to cry. I ran over to her and tried to hug her but she pushed me away. "Don't, Marshall. You don't have to do that just because I did this. You don't love me. You don't have to be here. You don't have to pretend like you care about me. " she looked so hurt and it hurt me too. "Baby-" "I'm not baby. You told me you were done with me. I'm just Alex. Stupid. Ugly. Fucked up Alex." Tears rolled down her face. "Alex no. You're not fucked up and you're not stupid and you're beautiful! I'm so sorry I said that shit to you I didn't mean it. I do this shit every time I have strong feelings for someone. But I can't lose you Alex. I can't. I love you! I'm not just saying that either I love you so much! I know it wasn't you. I know you didn't do that shit. I'm not done with you Alex. I need you." She just stared down at the floor and moved her blankets farther up her arms. "Alex can I see your arm?" "No." She immediately responded. "Alex please. I need to know how bad it is." I got on my knees next to her bed and looked up at her. "Please." I whispered. She looked at me then started taking her blankets off. I stood up and sat down on her bed. She gave her arms to me and I scanned them over. On her left was her scar. On her right was a large bandage. On both arms, a little farther up,
Were two huge black bruised. "Oh my god.." I whispered. She still wouldn't look at me. "Alex did I make these bruises?!" Her eyes got big as she realized what I was really looking at and she pulled her arms away from me. Silent tears came running down her face like a waterfall and she tried to blink them away. Tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't care. I couldn't believe I fucking did that to her! I put my head in my hands and let my tears fall. The doctor came in and asked to talk to me so I wiped my face off and stepped outside. He told me she needed rest and I convinced him to let me stay in her room with her. I went in and she had already dozed off. So I sat in one of the chairs and tried to do the same myself.