LOVE YOURSELF (completed)

Chapter: 4

Me: Ummm I've never dated before, so umm you know, I've always reached the stages around it, but yeah never that.

Francis: Perfect. I don't care for all. I'll be the best boyfriend ever.

Me: Ahaah why do u even want me that much?

Francis: Because you seem genuinely interesting and you are so hot.

Me: (typical) I'm not like that. Don't believe the pictures. I'm really fat and not like those girls who wear crop tops and shorts and looks good but still call themselves fat. I'm actually fat.

Francis: I like curves plus I don't judge people on how they look.

Me: (awe man he is nice because even I have judged people on their looks) you're nice but I don't think well be compatible.

Francis: How? Why?

Me: I'm just a kid. Plus I've already faced too much of drama and heart aches and I have some serious trust issues.

Francis: I want to know but I got to go. We will continue tomorrow.

Me: ahah sure but Where you going? Its 2.30 am.

Francis: I got to smoke a joint with mah friends and then I'll go on a drive; p

Me: Cool.

Not cool. Why do they smoke? Ughh but he is just so nice or is it just a game. But he doesn't judge Even though he is hot and he totally can and here I am have nothing to flaunt but still judging.

********

"So he said he is jerking and you thought he was shaking?" jess asked again.

"Yeah jess that is what I thought before but now I know what I really means so stop it."I said throwing a pillow on her face. They both burst into laughter again.

"Ok we are sorry, so what's new?" ken asked.

"He won't be attending the photography classes from now on." I told ken and Jess. Right now we are lounging in my bedroom. By the way as it's a Friday night and they are over for a night stay.

"So how do you feel about that?" ken asked munching on the popcorn that I microwaved. Yep it's a big deal to me that she is having what's mine.

"I feel nothing. I don't have any regretful feeling nor do I feel that something is going to be missing. I'm happy and I feel light."

"As if the burden has been taken off? "Jess asked

"Yes, exactly" I replied.

And then she goes back texting on her phone while Ken and I munched on the popcorn and watch reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

There was this guy who used to live nearby and we attended the same photography classes. He was quite friendly and it was a shocker because I used to be fatter back then, fatter that I am. So obviously I was like in my early teens, I would obviously feel really flattered. Someone told me that he likes me. My mum got to know about it and she didn't approve of it as I was too young and by the way she still feels the same, that I am too young. So I was really pissed but it was I guess months later, that I started noticing his creepy side. Like how he would be really touchy to each and every girl, kind of a stalker, and he was very cheap. Then one day I noticed him crying for some girl and I felt jealous and I thought that I liked him. I was broken. I threw tantrums in front of my friends and I would hate myself, I would stand in front of the mirror and ask myself, crying, 'can't you be thinner?',' can't you be beautiful and less ugly?', 'be like other girls, brave and wild!'etc.

It was all stupidity I just felt jealous because the only attention I got from a guy was taken away by some other girl. She wasn't just a girl, rather she was athletic, beautiful and so thin, and she was what I wanted to be. Now he is leaving those classes and I'm so happy that he is going away, forever because whenever I saw him I would just feel how pathetic I was.

His is just a shorter version of the story. This definitely made me feel really terrorized when it came to trusting others. But I'm so stupid, because I know I shouldn't just randomly trust anyone but I still would share all my secrets with everyone. I'm a rare species to find and a complex one. I'm really confusing to understand and I hope god doesn't create more pieces like me.

"Do you want to watch another episode? "Ken asked.

"No maybe we should see the reason behind that creepy smile on Jess's face? "I smirked.

"Sure." Ken gave me an evil grin and we quickly attacked jess. I held her arms while ken snatched her phone.

"Hey!! Leave me you motherfuckers! Give me my phone back! Or I'll kill you with my nail filer and flush your remains in the public toilet. No one will know anything!!"

"Damn girl!! Now we definitely need to see who this person is?" I said a little scared.

"ohhh its Andre. Wait Andre from chemistry? The smartest playboy?"

"Wow! Big catch girl, how?"

"Well you know how you ditched me and I had to attend the summer camp alone last year?" jess started.

"Yeah. Because you were the only stupid person who would attend a freaking summer camp."

"Whatever! So yeah he was there and I knew him as I had shared a number of classes in middle school. So yeah we hung out and started talking."

"OH" ken whispered.

"Why do you seem so disappointed about it Ken? " I asked.

"Don't freak out or jump to conclusions okay? Adam told me that Andre flirted with some girl and got cozy with her during the camp just to make her ex jealous. They even got drunk one night and made out. And this plan totally worked for his benefit as he made her jealous and even got laid and now that you told us, you slept with him and.... Yeah"

"Is it true you got drunk and you slept with him? ''I asked a bit annoyed by this Andre guy. How dare he? That's why you can never trust playboys.

"First I did not slept with him. Second, I drank but I never got drunk, I knew what I was doing. Third I did get cozy with him but I wasn't forced. And last I did not know that I was being...............used."

"Awe honey." we both snuggled closed to her. I have never seen Jess this sad, she is the strongest in our trio. We spent the rest of the night like that cuddling and thinking of ways to kill Andre.