LOVE YOURSELF (completed)

Chapter: 7

"You did good, I'm proud man! " Ken hugged me.

I just told them what happened yesterday.

"But I don't get it why wouldn't you come to us why did you run away from the carnival?" jess asked.

"It was my reflex, guys and don't forget that my mom doesn't know about the street thing okay?"

"Why wouldn't you tell her? She'll be proud!" ken inquired.

"Oh no Kendall doll, just don't. Believe me."

"So now what? What are you going to do about Francis?" ken asked. Why is she so curious today?

"Hey I think he is typing, see, you are getting a notification!" jess informed and passed me my phone.

"Ughh what now?"

I looked at my phone

Francis: hey

Me: hi

Francis: I have another offer, why don't you just strip for me, I'll jerk off for you?

Me: (eww no) no thanks.

Francis: k. you are prude so whatever.

"Ewww he is so gross, cheap and pathetic he wants me to strip for him and when I said he called me a prude!"

"Just type k or yeah whatever don't overthink what he said and how in the hell where you tolerating him." Jess mumbled.

"I know I'm trying but its failing I guess he blocked me.

"That son of a bitch" ken abused.

"Let's leave this topic and get back home I'm really tired, the lectures seemed annoyingly long today." I told them as I was not in a mood to converse.

Everything is falling apart there is nothing good happening my life and I'm not exaggerating you can see it.

The Francis thing is not the only problem, that day when those guys were cat calling, what they said was true, so true. I'm a fat bitch. So fat! I'm a prude, a fat bitch, ugly, desperate and what not! When will I change myself, when will I? God! I need to be something more! I can't be like this. I'm not desperate or a prude, boys like me, I don't want to be touched by them. No, no, no, I didn't even realize that I've started crying and sobbing.

After an hour or so, I went online and opened a chat site where you can talk to other people as strangers. I remember using it last year. It's more of a sexual site, I saw it in a video posted by one of my favorite YouTubers Joe Sugg. So as I was saying it's a more of a sexual site used for sexting and you know related stuff. I tried in for a video chat for the first time, this is me being wild. At first I was horrified at the site of a guy siting naked I just moved on to the next as fast as I could, next was a girl who just started taking her minimal clothes of and god my eyes, then finally I met a cute guy he was 18 and from Australia we exchanged snapchat ids and decided to talk there.

You must be wondering what I am doing. I'm going to ask all the questions I have without any shyness. He doesn't know me, I don't know him, and nobody cares.

In the next few days I asked him all sorts of questions, all about the bases and the pleasing and stuff. What guy wants? What girl would want? What boys do? What girls do, A to Z.? I must we wondering I have gone crazy then think so because I might have. I have no control on myself or my actions I don't know who I am anymore there is too much going on in my mind and I can't express in words or to anyone. One needs to enter my brain to see my problems.

By the end of the week I completely lost myself as I did what I wouldn't do in a million years, I stripped for the Australian guy I met online. Off course I said I'm ashamed of my body but it was pictures so you know how I did it. No one knows what I am doing and to stop this all I need to do is, tell someone about my actions. But who?