Driving Me Batty

Chapter 2: The Intelligence Quota

I apologize for any mistakes. I very roughly edited this so there are probably a million. If you see any please tell me. Oh and let me know what you think. Thanks.

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is.  I don't think it works like that.  I think it's the opposite.  I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become.  ~Anita Wise

“I think I totally nailed that one, how about you?” I looked at the speaker trying to remember whether or not I actually knew him.

“It went alright.” I replied warily. Who was this? Seriously. The thing about exams is that all these people who you had never seen in a single lecture suddenly exist. And then they talk to you. Like they know you. WHY? I awkwardly leaned against the wall, waiting for my friend, Jess, to emerge from the exam venue.

“Yeah, you looked like you knew what you were writing about. I like girls who are pretty and smart.” He winked at me and my skin crawled in disgust. Creepy. “Um… thanks.” I looked around trying to find a familiar face to save me. Luck was not on my side. “I’m Peter by they way.”

“Peter, Peter Pumpkin eater?” I prayed he would just leave me alone.

“More like Peter, Peter muffin eater.” I threw up a little in my mouth at that. I knew luck was not on my side. Of course it wasn’t. I stared at the door to the exams hall willing Jess, to make an appearance and save me from this hell. “ And you are?” He did that weird leering head nod thing at me. 

“Lira.”

“Lira. What a beautiful name. Are you a Libra?” I just gave him a blank look. Sadly it was not enough to discourage him. “Do they even have star signs in heaven or does your beauty just outshine the constellations?”

 “Peter, um… thank you for the compliments. I got to go to the bathroom. Bye.” I started to edge away but he was far too quick for me. Like an animal sensing he was about to lose his prey he went in for the move. Damn it!

“When you come back sweet cheeks why don’t I take you out for a drink. We can unwind and get to know each other better.” He half smirked at me as if he knew I just wouldn’t, couldn’t say no to him. Some people just know how to work your gag reflex.

“I can’t, I’m waiting for my ride.”

“Baby, My car is right over there. I’ll give you a lift. Wherever you want to go.” He winked and looked at his car as if it were the ultimate babe magnet. It wasn’t hard to figure out which was his. Parked over to parking spaces was a yellow SUV with a personalized number plate that read “SLAYA”. Yeah. Classy. How could I resist?

“For the love of all that is…” I sighed, trying to grasp one last bit of patience. It eluded me, “ Can you not tell that I am in no way interested? Are you that oblivious?”

He looked taken aback for a moment and I wondered why I had not done that sooner. And then that stupid smile made an appearance on his face again. My hand itched to slap it off but I held my composure. Surely He would give up soon.

“Oh I see. You like to play hard to get. Like to be chased. It does make things more interesting.” Apparently I had just laid down the gauntlet and the challenge had been accepted.

I was just about to storm off somewhere in exasperation when my friend emerged from the exam venue. Impeccable timing as usual.

“Lira Atkinson! You said that exam would be a walk in the park!” she bellowed as she walked towards me. I closed my eyes wishing that this were all just some weird substance induced hallucination. Apparently it wasn’t. When I opened my eyes again Peter was looking at me with a cocky smirk that said so much.

“ I’ll see you around Lira Atkinson.” He combed his hand through his shoulder length blonde hair purposefully pulling his shirt tighter across his chest, gave his hair a flip, winked at Jess and sauntered off towards his monstrosity of a car.

“Who was that?” Jess asked looking quizzically at the bright yellow SUV.

“Peter, Peter, muffin eater.” She looked at me as if she were trying to figure outwhere I had misplaced my mind.

“Whatever. I am not even going to ask. Lets just go get a drink. That exam flayed me alive.”

As it might have been noticed I do have my fair share of suitors. There is a reasonable explanation for this I assure you. It’s my sparkling personality. Yip. It’s managed to miraculously manifest itself in my bust line and cup size.  I’m sure there must be other attributes of mine that entice the male…brain but I haven’t seen many guys talk to my wonderfully shaped kneecaps like they talk to my chest.  I’m not just cleavagey. At a certain bust size it doesn’t matter what you wear, you just can’t hide it. I’m about there. Which sounds fantastic if you’re on the flatter side of life or, well, a guy. Trust me. It is a pain in the ass. There are certain yoga moves that put you at risk at asphyxiation and I’m pretty sure death by boobs is not the best way to go. Not to mention you attract such winners like the lovely Peter and oh-so-fabulous Kai.