Platinum Love (Jerza fanfic)

Chapter 11

ERZA'S POV

I refuse to fall down I say that to myself everyday but there comes a time when you really cant take it anymore. I constantly feel like a bomb waiting to explode, waiting to break the hearts of those who really matter.

Thats why no one can be around me i made a mistake of letting Natsu and the rest of them get too close to me, they will only be hurt and i cant afford that.

"I have to follow my heart" I reminded myself but what if i dont know what my heart is trying to tell me.

I feel like a mosquito trapped in a spiders web i cant move and there is something in the back of my head waiting to come and bite me, tries to bring me into the darkness i am constantly struggling and for once i feel like letting go, letting all the pain away.

But i cant, for my friends......for Jellal.

"I cant believe im thinking suicidal" I laughed a bitter laugh before wiping away the tears that clouded my vision.

"I have to be strong not only for me but as a police i have to give people hope and how can i do that if i dont have any for myself" I brushed my uniform, heading to the washroom i washed myself off applying a bit of make up on my cheeks and eyes so i looked normal, i certainly didnt feel normal though.

I pulled out a book from my bookshelf in the corner of my office, i slumped into my chair and started to read. I didnt have to worry about being late for dinner because i always set up a new alarm every time something new pops up.

The book was very confusing and hard to understand but luckily i caught on. My life was kindve like a book once a page flips a new part of my life has just began.

"I just hope the pages i want to stay on dont flip"

Beep Beep Beep Beep my phone vibrated from ontop of my desk.

Grabbing it i checked my notifications, time to practice shooting in exercise room.

I grabbed my keys and phone placing both in my pocket.

Taking another glance at the mirror i checked my reflection making sure i didnt look like i just cried.......even though i did.

Deep breaths i reminded myself, the last thing i'd want would be to start bawling my eyes out in front of my friends and fellow police officers.

The click clack of my heels echoed through the empty second floor and down the stairs.

Everyone had their heads in their work all too busy to notice me so i quietly walked to the exercise room a.k.a the shooting room.

The room was unusually empty which didnt seem to bother me at all.

"I guess its just me then" I grabbed a rifle the biggest one in fact to start off the practise.

Sliding 4 bullets i wore on my training glasses. I targeted the 90 meter target first then slowly make my way to the 200 meters.

The gym had rug floors that covered the whole ground, the four walls were covered in bulletproof vest like things. There were no windows so it was kindve like we were training in a highly protected basement.

BANG! The first bullet of the day whizzed through the air and smashed straight into the middle of the target.

BANG! The second bullet went through the 100 meter target.

BANG! My third bullet knocked the 150 meter target off its feet.

I glided to each target every bullet harder then the rest i felt like shooting bullets was one of the ways i release stress, anger and frustration.

BANG! The fourth target shattered into a million pieces before my eyes, i watched every piece fall to the ground before taking off my safety glasses and ripping out my hair elastic from my ponytail letting my wild red hair fall to my side. 

I gazed at the now broken target and wondered how i had turned into a monster.

Wait......i was a monster the day i was born even my mother didnt want me.

I laughed a bitter laugh and strutted my way the gun rack placing my gun back on.

I let my guilt regret and anger take over me making me feel like i am confined in a birdcage.

The past is golden history so i have to let it slide, one reason i never get better is because i never tell anyone anything i keep it to myself. I know i can trust all my friends but they wont understand so there is no point.

When will this end?