Dirty Secrets (Light X L)

Empty hearts and Eating Disorders

THE NEXT MORNING

Light woke up with a yawn and sat up. He felt around tiredly onto the spot next to him where his new found lover was lying, but nothing was there. It wasn't even still warm. The shock made him more awake, and with his eyes wide open he looked around the room. Of course you dummy he thought as he saw the chain in his hand. He followed the linked pieces of metal that were attached to both of them; crawling onto the other side of the bed. And there he was, crouching on the floor with his computer. The detective noticed Light staring at him, and without any change in movement to confirm this to the boy he spoke. "Good morning Light-kun. Sleep well?" He said without breaking his gaze away from the screen. Light smiled slightly. "Yes I did actually. What about you? How long have you been awake?"

"Since five."

Light looked at the clock and it was eight AM. "And what time did you go to sleep?" The dark haired boy gave him a shrug. "I'm not sure." That was the worst lie Light had ever heard. He paused, and recalled a memory. "You once told me that you count work time by the second. I asked how long I had been on the computer and you answered five hours and thirteen minutes exactly." There was a slight anger to his voice. Was he offended that L would say such a white lie to him? "And your point being, Light-kun?" The boy asked with what would have most likely been and eye roll if he wasn't so focused on reading. "My point is that you need to get more sleep!"

"But justice never sleeps."

Light sighed heavily. "And again with the justice crap. There are other people on this team, you know! The world doesn't rest on your shoulders!" He tightened his fists and waited for a response, but there was a silence right after he said it. A softness suddenly appeared to L's sleep deprived eyes. As softness that Light had never seen before. "...But you said that it did. You said I was the only one who could capture Kira." He turned his head to look Light right in his eyes. He stared and it felt like he was looking right into his soul. It took a moment for the younger boy to register his words. "Y..yes I did but I didn't mean it like that." The anger slipped away and it was suddenly replaced with a slight confusion. His lower lip twitched a bit and his eyes.. There was a look in his eyes. The softness only got worse as his eyes glazed over with tears. "Yes you did... But you are right. The world is on my shoulders and I'm letting everyone down. I'm letting the world down. I'm just a useless hunk of scrap metal that people only care about because they want to use it. But when I stop working then what will I be good for? Nothing. No one will even speak to me and they will abandon me. I will lose my job and then I will lose the only thing that's keeping me alive and that means I will lose you." He put his head in between his knees and wrapped his arms around them; letting out a sob. There was a sudden pain that shot through Light's heart at the sight of this.. He didn't think the detective would cry. He didn't think he could cry. Is that really what he thinks of himself? Useless? That man was as far from useless as anyone could ever get.

His sobs were quiet and soft, as Light jumped off the bed and ran to him. He pushed his torso back; forcing him to separate his chest from his legs and he wrapped his arms around his body and pulled him tight. The sobs didn't stop and they only got louder as he started to choke on his tears. "Shh... " Light put one hand in his dark hair and tried to comfort him and calm him down. "What will..happen when everyone else leaves... 'hicc'.. You will just leave too... 'hicc' ..My only friend.." His crying caused him to hiccup in between pauses as he spoke and Light looked down sadly at him. "You know that's not true Lawliet." He didn't know if it was his real name or not but the crying boy seemed to like it. He closed his eyes and smiled a little. His smile made Light smile, and soon enough his body stopped shaking and he had calmed down. "Before I met you I was alone. Just trying to get through the same old life, hoping that something would change and make me feel something. And it was you. You made me feel alive, you always caused a trifle and you distracted me from myself. And of course you could be the only one I could ever love." Light whispered to him and kissed the top of his head. Lawliet closed his eyes and listened to the other boy's heartbeat in his chest. "..I..I love you Light Yagami." He swallowed a little as his breathing evened and slowed. Light thought that he was simply telling him his feelings, until he spoke again. "But your words can't fix me. Don't you think th..that others have tried..?"