TSZ Magazine: July 2016 (Issue #2)

Getting To Know ProjectSuicidal and StopSuicide

Interview with ProjectSuicidal

Interviewer: Amanda (AmandaTayteTait)

Interviewed: Ella (@Ella-the-jesus-freak)

Q: What motivated you to start this campaign?

A: Well, I first sparked interest in starting a suicide prevention campaign when I saw the and campaigns. I didn't want to admin, but start my own campaign (also, they weren't looking for admins at the time).

Then, a little while later (I'd say maybe a few months after I was looking into creating the campaign), I became depressed. My great grandmother had passed from cancer, and I realised death was inevitable. I always knew death was lurking around the corner. I just didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I just didn't want to live. I didn't see a reason as to live. I was also having a hard time in school. Bullying caused me to seek the shadows of life, and that helped with my depression to worsen. Kids taunted and teased me. They told everyone else to 'drink bleach'. It didn't help when a few told me to kill myself. 'Why not?' I asked myself. I wasn't worth it. I felt like I didn't belong.

I was always called dumb, stupid, and other petty little names like that. I knew I wasn't, because I wasn't failing by any means in school. Yet when those names are ingrained in your head from people (not to mention, yourself) calling you that for years, you begin to accept the fact.

I have a great home life, I am a Christian. God has a purpose for me. I know that I needed to seek Him. He's my main priority. All glory goes to Him. Amen.

All the while I was going through this, I had an AMAZING support system. My boyfriend, also one of my closest and best friends, helped me a lot. He made me view myself as important. I remember the night I told him I was going to go through with my suicide. He told me this:

"NO, I LOVE YOU AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO STOP ME. WETH WET I'M KEEPING YOU ALIVE OR NOT. IF YOU'RE GOING TO DIE GOD WOULD HAVE TAKEN YOU. Y OU ARE MAKING YOURSELF FEEL THE WAY YOU DO WHEN YOU WANT TO DIE AND GOD WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO HURT YOURSELF. YOU CAN CONTROL THIS THING WORMING INSIDE OF YOU YOU CAN STOP THIS THING I CAN'T YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. IT'S IN YOU NOT ME OR I WOULD HAVE TO HELP HELP MYSELF. SO I CAN SAY I LOVE YOU ALOT AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO DIE!!!!!! I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I COULD SAY IT INFINITY TIMES!!!" 

He was so worried, and he was typing so fast he didn't even care about the mistakes. I realised then that he was the one. Yes, we still have problems. But a good couple has something to fight for. If they don't then where's the happiness in that? He's my biggest hero. My lifesaver. My one. My love. My best friend. He's also my brother-in-Christ.

My family also supports me, like I said. I'm lucky to have a great loving family. I know most people aren't as lucky as me to have that. I have a great mom. Great dad. Great sister.

Schools a different story, as I had said. Yet I'm going to be a freshman this year, so that may help a bit. I won't have to deal with the people I do deal with in school when I graduate college. Heck, I won't see them in college, either (probably; keep my fingers crossed!).

I started the campaign in April, and I now have twelve admins. My admins are who I look to for help and support. They are true blessings to work with. They may not be on all the time, yet any little hung they do is worth it. I want to give a shout out to all twelve of them, be caused they helped the campaign go so far:

Max -

Mariam -

Kris -

Lydia -