In My Possession

Chapter 29-That Voice Inside My Head

I couldn't sleep that night. Or the next. Right when I had been making a step forward to accept losing Walker I had to be pushed right back into the fray. I still enjoyed my time with the brothers but I got distracted as they tried to talk to me, wondering what sort of plan Walker had. The last three days of my confinement went by achingly slow. Each boy dropped several hints about how responsible they were, how they liked being with me and showing off their skills. Nathan spent fifteen minutes comparing my closet to the economy and Ethan made a big show of debating between what we should eat for breakfast, listing the pros and cons of each food. And then Caleb, who made refrences to various laws or politicians as often as he could, proving how educated he was. 

"You know this scene here reminds me of the Tariff of 1862...." Or "Wow, you know I just realized that connect four is similar to the Secretary of Defenses job..." And so on. 

And then Came the day when my confinement was over. The last day before the Day of Choosing. I had planned to run around the castle, I was extremely tired of seeing the same boring room every day. But I was woken up by a horribly familiar voice.

"Darrrling! What are you wearing?" The fashion stylist hadn't made the connection that I slept in my pajameas.

"Come Darrrling I have fabulous dresses for you!" She'd said, motioning to her assistant who pulled a rack crammed with tulle, silk, leather and tweed into the room. I groggily stumbled off the bed and was immidiantely caught and sweptup by a large black man sporting an ascot.

"Girl do you even own a brush?" He complained and plopped me down in my desk chair, wielding a comb and scissors. While he tugged on my hair the stylist pulled each dress off the rack for me to preview.

"How about this one Darling? Gorgeous, no?" The dress she was reffering to was covered in feathers from head to toe and had a train ten feet long.

"Um, I don't think that's my style." She snorted but kepting pulling more out. An deep scarelt backless dress that reminded me of Scarlett Johansen, an amazingly pufy dress with a six foot diameter and one that was a tweed suit with a large broach of a beetle on it.

"What about that one?" I said pointing to a relativly plain green dress. It was sleeveless with long flowy layers, ideal for walking.

"It's rather....bland." She complained but I just smiled, dismissing her. My hair stylist finished my hair a half hour later, he'd given me layers to give me more 'body'.  When they'd all left I hung up my dress and sat on the floor of my closet, staring at it.

I had no desire to wear that dress, to walk into the Throne room, to choose. I hugged my knees to my chest, rocking on the floor, breathing deeply. Inhale, I needed to be responsible and make a decision. Exhale, I needed to get away from here as fast as I could. Inhale, I'd kill the snake. Exhale, I'd runaway to a beach to die.

Was it even worth living? If I would be trapped here with someone I didn't love, my humanity torn from me? Was I even human. I paused at that thought. In technical terms I was. I breathed, I had a heart beat, each day I grew and ate. De Facto, I wasn't. I was born through magic, earth and demons. I was a sorceress and my life was tied to a giant snake. Was I even real?

I could feel my eyes burning and I felt numb and cold. I felt real, I had emotions, I was scared, broken and all alone. My tears spilt over and I fell to the side, curled in a ball my face unmoving as the tears slid down my face and onto the wood floor, the cold of them filling me. I was nothing. I was everything. I felt a world's weight  on me. I went through all the curses I knew and cursed Emily with my every thought and heart beat. But there was no fury. Not anymore. There was only despair. Because even Walker had a way to break the curse, then what? I still needed to kill the snake if I wanted to live. The key words being if I wanted to...

Cambrea

I moved my hands up to cover my ears, at first thinking it was the snake again, come to finish me off. But this voice was softer, and not as old, defineetly female.

Cambrea there are things that need to be done

"Go Away" I whispered, my eyes tightly shut.

Cambrea it's time to rectify my mistakes and I need you to be strong

I felt a warm breeze brush across my face, though I was indoors, as if encouraging me.

Do you want to die becaue you've given up? Do you want your life to end becasue you're too weak?

I felt a little stirring inside me. I hated being called weak. But was it weakness to realize your fate? To accept things as they were?

Your being influenced by dark thoughts. As the magic seeps away, so does your happiness. You need to hold your remaining magic to you so you can be strong for tomorrow.

On the inside of my eyelids I could see Walker bent over a dust book, looking hopeful. He pulled out another book and compared the two. He ran his hand through his hair, the familiar spark in his eye.

The Benjamin Boy will help you Cambrea, but you need to do as I say.

I sat up and opened my eyes, but everything was white. I scrambled to my feet, looking around me. I fely my heart beat faster as adrenaline kicked into my system.

"Where are you?"  I asked, standing ready with my hands clenched at my side.

Inside you

I selfconsioucly looked down at myself, noticing a golden glow around me. My eyes widened and I carefully held up a hand, turning it this way and that as I studied the steady light.

Tomorrow is the Day of Choosing, and you will make a choice

I stood quietly for second, looking down at my palms. I slowly closed them and whispered my response.

"I will."