Kill Myself...

Chapter 4

That was weird... Everyone was now interested in the said, "Lonely girl." For the second time that day, I found myself thinking about Andrea... I knew she was trying to apologize, or something, when she kissed me, but it just didn't feel like that was it. She didn't ask for more than just a peck but I couldn't shake the feeling that she wanted more than that, she wanted much more.

I walked down the road from our school letting my feet carry me back to my heaven. I sat at the bottom of the cherry blossom tree and thought about my life, I didnt cry today, and I didn't cut. The only thing I could think of was the horror in Andrea's eyes when she pulled up my sleeve. Out of curiosity I began tugging up both sleeves of my hoodie to reveal my distoryed skin.I gasped at how disgusting my arms were. My pale skin was pink and marked with scars and scabs, my arms were no longer soft but they were more like a graveyard for scars... I gazed at my hands, intrigued by the ruined skin, why didn't I just forget it...?

Now I remember... They were never there anymore... They couldn't protect me from my brother any longer... They couldn't make me breakfast in the mornings... And they couldn't ask me how my day was anymore... They were dead. My parents were dead. I started crying, I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't control my tears. Then I heard footsteps, as I looked up to see who it was I forgot I was crying, I didnt try to hide or cover my face. 

"A... Ar.... Are you okay...?" She asked in a shakey voice. That voice. I knew exactly who it was. It was Andrea... I started to get angry again. It all started to build up inside me and it started boiling over. But I didn't yell at her. I just cried. I cried harder and harder, I screamed and I sobbed. Andrea quickly sat down beside me and wrapped her arms around my huddeled figure, she pulled me into her lap and began rocking me back and forth like a child. Before I knew it I was asleep.

When I woke up, I was still sitting in Andrea's lap, her arms wrapped around me and my head on her shoulder. The sun was setting and darkness was taking over my little medow. I didn't want to move though, I was so comfortable and I just wanted to go back to sleep. I breathed in sharply and caught sceant of Andrea's hair, god she smelled so good... The smell of peaches and honey quickly flooded my nose, I buried my nose in her hair and breathed in deeply. Sigh...

"Do you feel any better?" Andrea asked, I wasn't focusing and I jumped a little. If I weren't so skinny, my weight would have crushed her hip bones and knocked the air out of her. 

"Sorry... I.. uhm... How did you find me...?" I asked, a little puzzeled.

"I followed you." She replied lightly. I untangled myself from her arms and sat back.

"You what? Why?" A little scared scooted away from her again.

"Well... I wanted to apologize for what I did earlier... I was wrong and I shouldn't have done that." She looked down and I could see the tears building in her eyes, "Please don't hate me for it, I know the whole time I have known you I've been telling you I hated you and that I never liked you, but I don't! I finally thought I could just come out and tell you but I knew you would never believe me! I tried to show you but you didn't get it!" She started spilling everything, rambling on about how she always noticed me in the hallways but she couldn't tell anyone she was a lesbian. She bullied me because she hated herself... It hurt her more than it hurt me, so she did bullied me more so that she hurt more. It all made sense now... 

"I couldn't hide from the truth anymore... I'm so sorry." Andrea hung her head and she breathed in and out heavily. As she looked back up as me I felt my face heat up, I leaned forward and held my breath, closing my eyes I heard her start to move and I knew she was leaning in too.