Colors ○ jb

01. I'm not yours anymore

Songs for the chapter:
Angus and Julia Stone - I'm not yours
Beyonce - Pray you catch me

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Light me up a cigarette and put it in my mouth
You're the only one that wants me to die
And I can think of a thousand reasons why
I don't believe in you, I don't believe in you

The music was blasting through the speakers connected to my phone in the studio. The brush in my hand was sliding on the canvas in front of me and my eyes were on it. Biting on my lip, I bend my head, looking at the half drown face. I held my breath and pulled back the brush from the canvas.

I'm not yours anymore

I reached out and touched with my finger the lips I drew a while ago. At the same time, I bit on my down lip harder and felt the taste of blood in my mouth that made me come back to life. I shook my head and took a few steps backwards.

Jump into your white mobile and run away

You're always leaving me behind

One of my favorite songs ( it became one of them over the past few months), continue to blast through the speakers. Every word coming out of the singer's mouth, was stabbing me in the heart, making it bleed.

I knew I shouldn't have drown him. I shouldn't. Not, because he could have see it, but because every time every drawing was stabbing me in the heart, opening a new, small wound.. And I wasn't able to take it anymore.

I wiped my hands in the already dirty clothes and looked around. That was when the sound of my ringing phone interrupted the music in the room. A sigh left my mouth while I was walking to the phone. When I saw the name of his mother on the screen, I know what was going to happen next. With a shivering hand, I answered her.

"Hello, Pattie." I greeted her, trying to sound happy.

"Hello, honey! How are you?" Her joyful voice made me somehow smile. I don't know how she was doing it, but she was always happy. After so much years, I didn't see her once not be in mood.. Even when she was divorcing with Justin's father.

"I'm fine. And how are you?"

"I'm fine, too." She laughed quietly. "There's a fun fair next to my home and I was thinking that maybe you and the little one can come tonight? It will be fun and I need a little bit of distraction from work. I know Justin is busy these days, but I hope he'll have time tonight. If not, you and the little one can come alone."

I took a deep breathe and felt somehow relief. I was expecting that Pattie will come for dinner, but this was better. Usually when she or someone else from the family come around, Justin would come at time for dinner. In front of everyone we were the perfect couple, without any problems. Only his father knew about what was happening between us.. Justin started looking more like his father in the past months, so I wasn't surprised that only he knew about this and that he didn't care at all, like it was nothing.

"That sounds amazing." I answered to Pattie. "We will come over 8 pm."

We talked a little bit more and then we ended up the call.

A heavy sigh left my mouth, while I was walking out of the studio. I had enough time to get me and Jason ready for tonight. When I was on the second floor, I found him on his bed. He was sleeping peacefully as always and looking so innocent. One fully innocent creature that didn't deserve all this that was happening in the family.