Anderperry - Somewhere only we know.

Epilogue - Somewhere only we know.

I felt a gentle breeze on my face. It was calming and warm, seeds that floated around tickling my nose and sticking in my hair. I felt no pain, not a searing and crippling pain in my skull like moments before... I hadn't even a light headache. Once I felt able, my eyes fluttered open, and they felt brilliant too. They didn't sting from bitter sobs and they weren't scrubbed raw with the rough sleeves of my coat. I looked around.

It took me but a nanosecond to realise that I was lay on the hard floor of the cave. I was still curled up tightly on my side, but I wasn't wearing my pyjamas and coat which were sodden by the snow, I was wearing a big, soft shirt and blue shorts. My fingers ran over the dry ground in front of me, where the outline of a person lay. I sat up and saw the revolver gone, but the box remained. I flicked it with a forefinger and it bounced and flipped away, obviously empty. There was no frightening red blood spilled on the ground on the floor, none soaked into the mud, but there was plenty of proof that there was a person who lay beside me by the clear outline in the dirt.

This made me consider - perhaps I wasn't alone here?

I stood, and stepped out of the mouth of the cave, letting the fresh summer air capacitate my lungs. I couldn't feel my heart pumping away between them, though. I couldn't feel much. I felt the warmth, I felt the glow from the flowers on the trees that were either side of me as I left the little cavern, the flowers that grew on trees that I thought were dead. I hopped up the little bank to the open grass, weaving between the trees that were closely packed to the more open ground near the stream. I sat myself down to think.

I felt safe here. I didn't feel like I did before... I didn't feel heartbroken, I didn't feel desperately alone and I could barely remember the horrifying images that traumatised me before I was here. I knew I was dead. I had no heartbeat, and my veins were almost invisible beneath my skin when they usually stood out in a garish blue against my pale skin. I just still felt... hollow. Like there was a piece missing. It was difficult to place my finger on why. I lifted my hand to run through my hair, feeling each of the soft strands slip between my fingers, until my fingertips hit a seemingly bald patch of skin. It was almost completely circular and it was tender, feeling softer and perhaps easier to tear than the rest of my skin. I raised my other hand to find the same thing on the other side, but more of a jagged line, not so clean cut. It also went round and I could feel the softer tissue right up to my left eye and somewhat over my cheek, in a sort of star shape. Must've been where the bullet had left scars.

I sighed.

I hope Neil was somewhere nice like this. I hope so much that he was. But I hoped even more that he was here with me, somewhere, roaming about and having fun... However selfish it sounded, I didn't care, I didn't think
about anyone who mourned me, I just wanted Neil. I could admit to myself now - He made the long days (and sleepless nights) at "Hell'ton" bearable. He made things a lot easier when I was asked to read in class, since he usually did it instead for me. He made chemistry homework easy, since he was the best at chemistry and he didn't just let me copy his homework, he explained it carefully over and over until I understood. He made me get over my fear of showering in front of the others in the horrific shared shower room, since I hated that and he made it seem normal. He made things bearable. He made things good. He made things comfortable. But he could never make things as we wanted between us, and neither could I. If he was here, and everyone else wasn't, then I could fix that.

But would be be here? Am I even here? Maybe I'm dreaming... Maybe I'm alive and I'm dreaming. No. I'm normally vaguely aware of my life when I was dreaming. I don't know how to describe it, but I just knew I was dead. But here I was living a life better than I'd ever been, but I was so empty, I didn't know what to do with myself in this hazy world, other than stick my feet in the stream and watch the seeds twirl around the air like fairies. It was quite magical I had to admit. The grass was ruffled by warm breeze, the leaves on the trees fell occasionally, which indicated to me that it was at the very turning point of summer into autumn, at least in this universe. There was no snow. Nothing made me feel scared. Nothing made me panic, nothing made me feel out of place.

I didn't even twitch when I heard footsteps in the grass behind me, or when I heard someone sit beside me or even his voice.

"I told you not to come back."

I just felt less empty, which means it could've only been one person beside me, which was confirmed when I heard his soothing voice. I felt less alone. I felt home.

"I guess I had to. I couldn't leave you there, all alone and cold.." I whispered back, feeling a hand link with mine. "It was our place and it felt wrong leaving you to die there... at least without me dying too."

"You're stupid." His hand linked with mine tightly. "I can't believe it. A few months ago it was only us who knew about that place, and now our cold dead bodies are lying there for everyone to find."

His laughter rung throughout the area, not bitter laughter like he presented before I left him to end his life, but a more gentle laughter, even though he was laughing at a morbid topic.

"It's sad really. It must be ruined for the other guys now, I know I couldn't go back there if I knew my friends had died in there..." I muttered, feeling slightly guilty now.

"No, it makes it special I guess, since it was, after all our place. Somewhere only we knew. Now we can spend however long we want there! We can play games and run around like idiots like we used to, Todd! We can just be together and not have to worry about stupid Hell'ton or my father or anything!"

Neil sprung up and he was dashing around with the passion in his voice like he always used to have. He looked exactly like be used to, with his excited grin and floppy hair, his face seeming brighter since he wasn't worrying about so much stuff. The only difference was the scars on his head, but we both had them so neither of us really took them into account.

"We can be happy here, Todd." He said more quietly and sincerely. I nod.

"We will. And I promise you that, we will."