Black Suit, Dead Suit

1 - Won't you torture someone else sleep ?

Mom, I'm sorry. You cannot imagine how I'm sorry. Please, tell me that you see that in my eyes. It was an accident. I didn't want to do that.

The sit is cold. As Mrs Jude looks at me, some lyrics comes to my head. You're the judge, oh no, set me free ! She's the judge and she doesn't love me. I'm not angry, I'm sad, depress, anxious, scared of jail. "Ashley Sara Williams, you're accused of murder. Have you something to say for your defense ?" I'm hitting on some of my words, stress maybe ? But all that I can say is "I did-didn't mean to do that. I-I swear." She's looking at me with anger. Time is getting longer and longer and then, it finally ends. I lose it. It was sure that I'll lose this game. I did it, all the proofs are here. From the place where I did that to the blood fragments under my nails. So here I am.

I'm only twenty-one but I look like younger. Please, tell me that the jail will not be one of those new project where men and women are together. I'm scared. As the police officers take me to my "new home" I'm whispering some lyrics. I don't know if they're hearing me. And I don't care. I'm like... Dead inside myself. I'm not even able to answer to a correct question. C'est marqué en rouge : Tu nais comme ça, tu vis comme ça, tu canes comme ça, seul à poil face à ton reflet avec ton dégoût de toi-même, ta culpabilité et ton désespoir comme seuls témoins. I'm glad that they can't understand me when I'm speaking French.

I see the jail now. It's one of those with men and women are together. I'm scared. We're stepping inside the front door. It's a stupid little door. But the inside is bigger than the outside. They give me that orange suit and they're waiting for me to wear it when I'm going to toilets.
And then, I hear screams over the distance. I'm just to scared of what will happen next.

The guard guide me to my cell room. He closes the bars door and let me here, alone.

I'm trying to sleep but I can't. My mind is too much disturbed by the suicidal thoughts which are popping in my head like popcorn in a microwave. I stand up, walk to the door and look outside. The person at the opposite cell of mine is singing. I think I'm the only one who can hear him. But I recognize this voice, I recognize this song. And I start to sing along. I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I, don't know where I should go when the tears and the fears begin to multiply. He heard me. And he's now looking at me.

We don't say anything. Eyes are telling everything. I reach my hand to him and he's catching it. He know what I'm going through and I hope I understand him too.
I wish I could.

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Hi it's me ! I hope you loved that chapter ! Don't forget to tell me what you're thinking about it ! It will makes me very happy !