Jace -
"Riele, wait! Please!"
Damn, she was walking fast in those heels. Outside the wind was blowing a cruel, cold breeze as I ran after Riele. A lot of stupid and careless little mistakes were floating around in my head, taunting me. When I finally caught up to her I reached out and grabbed her arm.
"Just stop for a minute!"
"Don't fucking touch me, don't you ever put your dirty hands on me again!"
She finally turned to rip her arm out of my grip, glaring at me with tears balancing on the edges of her perfect eyelashes.
"You made my life a living a hell! All that time when we were together you knew I was going insane and you made believe that I was fucking crazy and you lied to me about it! You lied to me about everything!"
She yelled, slamming her clutch down on the hood of her car. The look of rage in her eyes was terrifying.
"Please, listen to me. If I could take back what I did I would... Everything happened so fast. I wasn't purposely trying to hurt you I never meant for anything with Isabela to go down the way it did-"
"Stop, just stop it."
She shook her head, wiping those tears away with her fingertips and smiling as a sad, bitter laugh spilled from her lips.
"You can't even be honest with me for one... One second. Don't you get it? I knew about Isabela, I knew she was texting you when we had our arguments, I knew she was the one you were sneaking away to. I knew you were lying to me, but I didn't want to believe that. I wanted you to tell me the truth. That's all I wanted."
I stared at her, feeling my mouth work up and down but no words came out. She looked as if I had stabbed her, and yeah I had. It was the look I never wanted to see on her face, of disappointment, hatred, the hurt. And to think that I was because of it... My heart felt entangled in a shroud of thorns.
"Don't you think that by now I deserve the truth, Jace?"
Looking into her eyes, I swallowed. She does deserve the truth, I owe it to her and to myself to tell her why I ran away from us. What I was scared of happening if I gave what we had a chance.
"I met Isabela at a party in the Hills, you were pissed at me because we had a date that I was late for so I decided not to come altogether. That's when it all started."
I waited for her reaction. Riele crossed her arms over her chest, titled her head slightly and waited for me to continue.
"I didn't- What happened- I knew it was wrong-"
I sighed and hung my head, studying the dirt on the ground and the cracks in the cement with ants poking their heads in and out of them, as if listening to out conversation. Just tell the truth. All she wants is the truth.
"We kissed that night. One thing led to another, we were hooking up. Back then, I didn't know what I wanted, I was scared that we were getting too serious so I sabotaged us. I made things up in my head, I told myself you were doing the same dumb stuff I was doing, maybe even worse. And I lied, you're right. I lied to you."
A terrible silence then fell over us. Riele kept looking into my eyes, trying to dig something else out. Trying to determine for herself if this was really the truth, and it was. My reasoning might not have been the smartest shit to lay on the table, but that's what I was feeling.
"You could have talked to me, you could have let me know- I would have understood!"
Riele shook her head, more slow tears made their way down her highlighted cheeks. I took a step towards her, and she moved back.
"I... I know. There's nothing I can say, nothing I can do to take away the pain of what I did to you. But I-I need you to know that I won't ever feel this way about anybody else."
I swallowed again, watching her remove her clutch from the hood of her car and tuck it under her arm.
"I hate you."
Riele said in a very low, very calm voice before she slipped into the front seat of her car, said something to Ella and backed out of the parking space looking right through me. I remained where I stood, watching her car disappear into the night. If I've ever fucked up something great... This was it.
...
Riele-
"Are you okay?"
Ella asked, quietly. Up until now we've sat in a humbled silence. Hearing nothing but the smooth acceleration of the engine and the blasting air conditioner.
"I'm fine."
I replied, angrily swiping at the salty, bitter tears that kept slipping over my lips and into my lap. Ella reached over and put her hand on my shoulder softly.
"Rie, you don't look fine."
I didn't say anything. Nobody ever looks good when they cry, it was apart of life. The never ending cycle that if there was anything that you couldn't look good while doing it, it was crying.
"Leave me alone, El."
"I'm just trying to help."
"Well, it's not working."
I muttered. I couldn't get that sound out of my head, Jace's voice saying that he still had feelings for me. That he would never feel the same for anyone else. It made me wonder why he was doing this? Why did he cheat on me? Why did I go through 3 months of hell just for him to come back to me and pull some awful shit like that? It's not fair. This plan had been such a fail, and I felt like a damn fool for trying it.
"He lied to me, I knew it all along but hearing him say it..."
I trailed off, shaking my head slowly.
"How does that make you feel?"
"Like an idiot... Because he didn't want us getting close! He wanted to last only as long as everyone else says we should. He wanted one of those dumb ass fake relationships that always end the same way."
Ella hummed a little bit, nodding her head.
"So, he was scared that he might be falling in love with you?"
She replied, her answer was like placing a quiet seed in the back of my mind and covering it with the deep rich soil that was her reasoning. Scoffing, I rolled my eyes.
"That's definitely not it, you didn't hear what he said to me."
Ella then chuckled.
"Uh, Rie I was sitting right here in the car. I heard everything he said to you and that's the way it seems to me."
"How?"
I glanced at her skeptically.
"Well look at all the signs... He cheated on you, which was a really slimy disgusting thing to do but he did it out of fear. Not because he didn't want to be with you, but because he was scared you were gonna leave him first. I mean when you think about it, it makes sense. Guys are so insecure."
"That's ridiculous."
I sniffed. In my mind it made things click into place, but it didn't change the fact that I was still pissed at him. And that I was going to stay this way until I was an old grandma with 20 grand kids and four ex husbands.
"You know what always makes me feel better?"
Ella rubbed my shoulder, I slowed down coming to stop light.
"Gee, I don't know Ella what makes you feel better... Vegan donuts?"
She answered her own question, smiling hesitantly at me. I looked over at her and nodded.
"Vegan donuts."
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