Jace -
I got home around midnight. I would have stayed out until the sun rose but Isabela texted me to let me know she wanted to come over to get the shit she left at my loft. I wanted to be petty, I wanted to send a big "Fuck no" And let her figure out how she was going to get the rest of her stuff, but I've had enough fighting for one night. I just want the shit to be over now. Closing the front door behind myself, I left the lights off until I was in the living room. Shedding my blazer, I tossed my keys across the glacier surface of the coffee table in front of the TV console and turned exactly one lamp on. It was enough light to wallow in. I flopped onto the couch and slouched down as low as these skinny jeans would let me.
Man. This feeling fucking sucks. Thinking about Isabela being with Cameron, knowing what she was capable of. Having that sense of loyalty and compatible love be ripped out of you like it never existed, it hurt like hell. I rubbed my fingertips over my chapped lips and stared into the dark black soul of the television. This is how Riele was feeling. This is probably the way she's been feeling for a while and I so wish that I could turn back time and do things over again. I never meant to hurt her, I never meant to hurt us. I guess I'm just bad at this. I'm bad at falling in love. This feeling... It wasn't worth it. And now that I know I'll never get over her, it just made things a million times worse.
...
Maybe an hour or so later, after I've taken my shirt off, cracked open a bottle of my cheapest wine and turned the tv on to trashy lifetime movies, the doorbell rings. My stomach is a hollow pit of anxiety, and I can't explain why it feels that way but the uncomfortable severity of this new dynamic between Isabela and I must have something to do with it. I got up to open the door, reaching for my shirt that I slung over the arm of the couch. I had it halfway buttoned up before I opened the door.
"Isabela-
"Jace-"
We looked at each other, but this time it was different. All I saw was the cruel, heartless soul of a girl I poured my best self into. Now looking at her makes me want to vomit. And she seems to know the feeling.
"Just came to grab my stuff,"
She said, looking past me into the loft.
"I know."
I move aside to let her in, she takes baby steps inside as if she's never been in here before. I close the door behind her and walk back into the living room, dreading this moment as it happens.
"I put everything over there."
I point to the pile of her Victoria secret bras, perfumes, joggers, hoodies and t-shirts of mines that she ripped and shredded for "Cute" crop tops. All of her discarded phone cases, a hot pink thong, a love letter she wrote me on Valentine's day and the bear that came with it, her Calvin Klein track suit. All of her shit was in that pile and she'll never know how much restraint it took for me not to set the whole fucking thing on fire.
"Wow,"
Isabela chuckled, gathering the stuff into her arms and giving me that look. That disapproving, "I know your ass is salty" type of look.
"You're just gonna put all my stuff out here like this?"
She looked over at me and I shrugged.
"Your point is?"
"What if you had your friends over, it's a total invasion of privacy. You could have just let me get it, you didn't have to fucking slack it all into this stupid pile."
She replied. I had to give me self a full minutes to just sit there and stare at her as if she said "I'm an alien from the planet Flaflooga."
"I could have put it outside on the door step and let you pick it up out there and said no hoes aloud inside, but since I'm a nice guy I didn't do that. I let your dirty ass come in, didn't I?"
I replied. Isabela discreetly stuffed her underwear and bras into her purse, her expression was menstrual but I knew she was pissed off and the level kept climbing.
"Oh yes, here it comes... Hoe isn't an insult anymore Jace, so grow the fuck up. What I did should have nothing to do with how you treat me as a fucking person."
She said.
"Bullshit. What you did doesn't make you a fucking person. It makes you a nasty little whore."
I turned my back to her, scoffing.
"The last time I checked, I wasn't the only one playing that game."
Isabela's voice carried like an echo through my loft. I turned back around to face her, putting my hands on my hips. It was always so easy to point the finger back to someone in the same boat. The difference between Isabela and I was that I knew she wasn't and never would be in love with me when we started hooking up but I held myself out for what could change in her. It was a maybe dangling over an Ocean of the inevitable.
"Yeah, okay, so I cheated on Riele with you at least now I know what huge fucking mistake it was. Just take your shit and get outta here."
I jerked my head towards the front door, not wanting to have to look at her for another second. Isabela picked her stuff up, raising one of her eyebrows.
"My pleasure."
She then turned and left my loft without another word. I locked the door behind her and leaned my head against it. I was already missing Riele. The chances I let slip way from me like sand through my fingers. I turned around and trudged upstairs to my bedroom, slipping my hand into my left pocket. I felt a thin sheet of paper and pulled it out, curious.
951-238-5876 - Riele
Shit. I forgot I copied her number down from the call sheet at the reunion during a commercial break. I paused in the dark hallway, staring at the number for a long time. Maybe there still was a chance.
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