Hidden Beneath Brown Eyes (A Zayn Malik Fanfiction)

Chapter 20 - I'm Sorry

I woke up lying flat on my back, the sunlight pouring into the room through every available window. I rubbed my eyes as I rolled around, tangling myself in the thick blankets. The brightness of the light flooding the room was enhanced ten fold by the white snow and clouds outside and the fact that the walls in the room were white, intensifying the headache that I already had.

I slapped a hand over my forehead, rubbing tiny circles on my temples in an attempt to ease the pain that felt like I'd been hit in the head with a baseball bat. Headaches were kind of a regular thing for me, so I was used to it, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

My fingers jumped into my hears to plug them up when I heard the sound of chirping birds outside of my window. It was a sound that would normally be a sweet and beautiful morning song, but was now as obnoxious as a car alarm.

I continued rubbing my head as I slowly pushed myself up into a sitting position. I looked to my left and was surprised to find Liam lying next to me, sleeping so peacefully.

This was the first time since we'd gotten here that Liam had still been in bed when I woke up. I thought it was strange and wondered if I had woken up earlier than usual. I knew that Liam didn't sleep in, and if he did, that meant that there was something horribly wrong.

Instead of waking him up, I decided that I wanted to watch him for a little while. It wasn't often that I got to watch him sleep, and he looked so beautiful and peaceful. I watched him with pure love in my eyes, as he dreamed of things that I may never know.

I wondered what he was dreaming about; if it was something happy. I hoped more than anything that it was. Maybe he was dreaming of our first date, or the day One Direction was formed, or being back home with his family. Whatever it was, I just wanted him to be able to escape from this messed up situation that I had brought down on him, even if it was only in his dreams.

I examined him from head to hips.

His lips were parted and slightly puckered, tempting me to lean down and kiss them. His hair was ruffled and messy, but I liked it that way, it made him look human. His chin and cheeks were covered in a light layer of stubble that I knew he would shave off as soon as he woke up. His head was leaned back, exposing his perfect neck.

His naked chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm as he breathed, his heart of gold beating just below the surface. He had a small bit of hair on his chest, but it made him even sexier to me.

My eyes wandered down to his arms, his tattoos perfectly placed, his biceps large, and his forearms strong. His fingers loosely gripped the sheets around him that covered the lower half of his body. His boxers hung from his hips, accentuating his v-line.

Everything about Liam made him the man of any woman's dreams. But then, why did I feel like there was something missing between us?

I loved Liam more than I could put into words. He was protective, gentle, nurturing, loving, any qualities that you could picture belonging to a Disney prince. There were millions of girls who would give anything to be in my position, and I could see why. I was lucky to have him, and he was the obvious choice. But for some reason, something just felt off. Things just didn't feel right.

My mother has always told me that I think too much - that I'm too much of a rational, logical person - and I've always known that she was right. She always told me that if I ever felt lost, that I needed to follow my heart, but I never knew what my heart was saying. Most of the time, I couldn't differentiate between my head and my heart.

And I wasn't lost at an Alice In Wonderland level - more like a first day of school level. I wasn't sitting in the middle of an unknown world, my only path out having been brushed away by a sweeping dog-thing, crying on a rotting tree stump. It was more like my first day of high school when I couldn't find any of my classes and I was really nervous, but I knew that eventually I would find them because there were only so many places I could go.