Hidden Beneath Brown Eyes (A Zayn Malik Fanfiction)

Chapter 39 - What More Could I Ask For?

Two months had come and gone, and no sign of Zayn. I wish I could say that I hadn't actually been waiting on my toes for him for that time, but I was, and when he never showed up, it was a knife to my heart.

I was so relieved that we hadn't told Jack before Zayn left, because he would have been waiting this whole time for his dad who was never going to show up, and I'd have to see his little heartbroken expression and cover Zayn's ass.

He broke a promise. And it wasn't just a promise to come back for me, it was a promise to come back for our son. But obviously, promises meant nothing to him.

I had promised myself once that I would never google Zayn. I would never read anything about him. And I had kept true to that promise, not looking him up once since I had returned from London.

I waited for three months, and when Zayn failed to come back, I felt I had no choice but to look him up, and break my promise to myself. I deserved a reason for why he was absent, even if it was just a lie made up by the media.

I knew that I ran the risk of reading something I wouldn't like, but I needed to know where he was and what he was doing.

So one night, after putting Jack to bed, I sat down on my bed and pulled my laptop out. It was an odd feeling, reminiscent of the night when I first googled Zayn, as a lonely, obsessed seventeen year old.

I shook off my feelings and proceeded to pull up google. I typed in his name and hit the enter key before I could change my mind, and just like when I was a teenager, page after page of results popped up.

Zayn Malik seen leaving a nightclub in L.A.

Pop star Zayn Malik getting cozy with hot brunette at a Miami bistro.

Could a single spark ignite an old flame? Zayn Malik spotted out with ex fiancé, Perrie Edwards, while shopping in NYC.

I was getting increasingly upset with each title that my eyes scanned. The thought of Zayn trading the time he could be spending with his son, for a few hours with his old girlfriend, made me want to vomit.

I realized that I had been completely wrong about needing to look him up. The feeling of my guts being torn out was a reminder of why I never looked him up in the five years that I spent away from him.

This was his life. No matter what, he was always going to be pictured with other women, whether he was actually romantically involved with them or not. And I would always be jealous, because no matter what I said, and no matter what he did, I would always have feelings for him.

It was late April, coming up on May. The snow had melted and the flowers had started to bloom. The grass grew greener and the leaves reappeared on the branches of the trees. The sun was out, warming everything, healing the pain that winter had caused.

Zayn had left in January, when there was still a thick layer of snow on the ground that covered the dead grass. When the tree branches were still barren. When there were still clouds in the sky.

I was relieved that it was Spring. It was symbolic of hope and new beginnings. It assured me that I could start over, make a new life for me and my son. A life where we could forget all about Zayn. We could be happy again.

I needed that, and Jack needed that as well.

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I sat at my desk, on a normal day. it was the middle of the week, and the middle of the week was always slow. all my job entailed was answering phones, making appointments, and taking messages for the dentist.

I had two people sitting in the waiting room. It was a mother and her son. She looked to be about thirty, while her son looked like he was only slightly older than Jack.