The Nemesis Syndrome

37. Eliza

               

She didn't sleep.

She couldn't. Not when she could feel so much pain from him, so much anger. If it was an echo to her, she didn't understand how he was still sitting there so silently.

And she couldn't talk to him. She didn't know what to say, and she was scared that if she tried, he would snap something else at her.

He doesn't mean it he doesn't mean it he doesn't mean it. She knew that. Every harsh word he spoke, every movement that told her to back off, it was a product of grief.

So she pretended to sleep to give him time and space, and to let him sort out his thoughts and feelings.

Until...

It grew inside her, his pain, until it felt like it was consuming her and until it felt like she could not breathe.

She opened her eyes, no longer able to bare it, to find him staring at the ground, his hands clenched so tight that his knuckles were white. He was as still as stone, only the slight movement as he breathed in telling her he was actually alive.

And...he was crying.

Constant tears that dripped down his face and landed on the ground below. He didn't even seem to be aware of them. He didn't seem to be aware of anything.

She didn't know how long she sat there, waiting for him to shop, not being able to find words to help.

But finally- still crying- he looked up and met her eyes.

'Hug?' She asked, the only thing she could think of.

As expected, he didn't reply, but seconds later, he shifted, making room at his side. She crawled over to him and put her arm round his shoulders. They sat there, stiffly, for a minute, before he sighed and rested his head on her shoulders.

'I'm sorry.' He muttered to her, his voice raw, scraped clean from the tears.

'It's okay.'

'Not.'

'Do you argue about everything?'

'No.'

'Lies.'

He let out a huff of air- the closest she was going to get to laughter, she knew.

'She was my sister.' He said quietly. 'I was meant to look after her.'

'You did.'

'Obviously not.'

'You did everything you could. Leo...you can't beat yourself up for something you didn't do. Mourn her, yes, grieve for her, miss her, but never ever blame yourself. You did everything you could but you knew what the monsters there would do. It's on them, and I promise...I will help you do anything you can to stop them, and avenge her.'

'That won't bring her back.'

'No. But nothing will do that.' She was awful at this. Comforting him. 'Tell me about her.'

'She...she wasn't just my little sister. She was smart and brilliant and always so cheerful. And I loved her.'

'She was laughing. The day I saw you both. She looked so happy. Leo... you being her brother... you made sure she never knew things like fear.'

'It wasn't enough.'

'No. but at least she knew how to laugh, at least what she did have was good.'

Another sigh.

'Go to sleep, Leo. I'll keep watch.'

'But-'

'I think you've looked after me enough.' She said quietly. She reached out to him- paused- then grabbed hold of his hand. 'My turn.'

She saw him scowl, and she expected a fight. But then he closed his eye, and she felt proud of this stupid small victory. That he listened to her.

That he trusted her enough.

He slept, and she waited. Watched the darkness and listened for anything other than the birds above their heads.

And she tried not to think. About the past and the still missing sections of her memory, about the future and the uncertainty, and about the present, about herself and the boy sleeping next to her and what they were meant to do next.

She didn't want to think about any of it because she was scared. More scared than she had ever been before, because it was not a situation she could do anything about.

At school, with her parents, she could talk her way out of anything. Some of her teachers called her charming, others said that her mouth would get her killed one day, but they had all been easy to talk down when she had missed her homework or not listened in class.

Here, she had no words to help her. No one on her- on their- side.

And she wasn't like Leo, she couldn't fight her way out of a situation. She couldn't look after or protect herself, and she hated herself for thinking she would never need to.

Why did it all go wrong? Why couldn't it have ended like she planned it too, in the Circle? Then Leo would be free with his sister and she wouldn't have been here for any of this...

Why couldn't they have never met in the first place...then Leo would never have had her blood on his hands and she could have gone through life pretending she was actually happy.

Sound to her left, and she jumped up, hearing Leo wake behind her.

'Whose there?' She called out.

A man pushed through the trees, his head ducked to miss the branches- and Eliza felt herself being pushed backwards as Leo stepped forwards.

'What do you want?' Leo asked, holding his arm out to stop Eliza from standing next to him.

'It's okay, it's okay.' The man said, his hands up in the air. 'I'm here to talk to you. Please. You have to listen to me.'

'Why?'