Superheroes Suck

Chapter 1: Who Thinks Organopaw Is A Good Name For A Superhero?

Superheroes suck.

Look I'll tell you why before you ask the obvious question. No, it's not because I'm jealous of their powers or of the widespread attention they get saving the town. Superheroes suck because they are arrogant j-

Something flies right beside me, narrowing missing clipping my ear by a fraction of an inch. Before I can curse the sonofabitch off, I'm scooped up off of my feet and into the air. My sunglasses almost fall from the top of my head but I managed to catch them right before they fall beyond reach. When I looked up, I found the same smirking face I always did, looking down at me.

"Put me down you ass." I pushed against him but he wouldn't budge, he just kept iron grip on me.

"Never."

Okay so I may be getting ahead of myself. I should start this story where it all begins, back before when I was just mildly uninterested in superheroes. In this city, that was an oddity. We were one of the few cities lucky enough to have superheroes flying around to protect us. One day, a bunch of supervillains started prowling around our city and where they appear, the heroes follow.

I was a normal girl, I think I was ten when they all arrived. For the next couple of years, they all fought to be one of the few that garnered the fickle public's attention. Every hero strived to become one of the select few who considered Belhurst's official superheroes. The first two years were a nightmare with way too many superheroes for one town. None of them ever considered working together so they all ended up doing was screwing each other up.

These numbers quickly dwindled down due to deaths on the job, coupled with some realizing that they didn't actually have powers after all and general public disinterest in them. Everyone really only cared about one of the six Aqua Lads and nobody liked Organopaw. Who thinks Organopaw is a good name for a superhero?

Eventually though, we ended up with two who proved to be a head above the rest. They were known as Scarlet Juggernaut and Rapid Remix. Both were male if you were wondering. Though there were other heroes, these two dominated the papers and seemed to take care of most of our crime.

Scarlet Juggernaut was exactly what his name makes him out to be. He's freaking huge. His power was Super-Strength, I mean what else would you think someone his size would have? Super-Intelligence or something? He's apparently a pretty cool guy, beefy but not jerky. Get it? I made another joke.

Rapid Remix was just about the opposite. His powers included a control over soundwaves and ability to fly, although that power stemmed from the former. His name came from the fact he was a DJ wannabe, a decent superhero though. He was a major jerk, he thought that being a superhero was about scoring with chicks and looking good. That's why he died, he was flirting with some girl on the sidelines and some villain blew him up.

It was all the news reported on for a month.

Around then, a new superhero popped up and he called himself Spitfire. I was about sixteen at the time, it was big news for all the lusty teenage girls who fawned over him. Scarlet Juggernaut and Rapid Remix were obviously in their twenties or thirties but Spitfire's age was much more ambiguous which only added to his appeal. Older women could fawn over him and not be looked at as cougars and younger women could do the same.

I'm eighteen now and Spitfire is basically our Batman, our Superman, you know the one superhero everyone equates to Belhurst. He's takes care of 70% of the crime while the police, the rest of our heroes, and Scarlet Juggernaut are all tied at 10%. 

Now that we've gotten a brief history of Belhurst and its superheroes, let's move on to me and my role in all of this. Like I mentioned before, I was a normal girl. My mother was a doctor, she worked for one of the best practices in the city. My dad traveled a lot with his job, a friend of his invented something akin to a Smartboard except half as glitchy, and my dad helped out. He attended all of their business meetings and his friend introduced him as a "business partner" but my dad was really there to make the figures look impressive. Before that he was an accountant, not particularly interesting in my opinion.