Falling Tears

Chapter 1

Jimin's POV

"Jimin, I have something to tell you!" my mom yelled from downstairs.

I was surprised she even talked to me – she usually didn't bother to do that. I sighed. This could only mean one thing: she needed something. As I walked down the stairs to figure out what she wanted, I didn't feel much. She didn't love me. I was an illegitimate child, I had never known my father. And my mom hoped she never knew me.

"What?" I asked when I reached the bottom of the stairs and turned to look at my mom who was standing in the middle of our small kitchen.

"My sister is in the hospital and she's going to stay there for a while."

I wanted to ask why and how would this affect to my life, but I knew my mom wouldn't answer if she didn't feel like it. She was probably telling me because she would be more away from home. Like she was ever here...

"Your cousin is coming to live with us." With you. "And she's bringing a friend with her because she needs support." To annoy you.

Wow. I didn't know if my mom wanted to ruin my life completely. She was never home, so the kids would be my responsibility. I didn't want responsibilities. I already had to take care of myself, be strong when nobody loved me, try to fight the bad thoughts. I knew my mom didn't care or know about the problems inside my head, but she knew that I had to take care of myself all the time. She didn't buy me food, sometimes she had left me money and those days were the only ones I didn't need to force a smile on my face.

"How long are they going to stay?" I asked, not looking at my mom. I didn't want to spend more than couple of weeks taking care of two kids. Or at least I supposed they were kids, mom didn't invite her relatives to our place so I didn't know them.

"For the rest of the school year. They will come to your school with you."

"Wait, what?!" I raised my gaze back at my mom. "They are my age?"

"No, they're two years younger so you'll have to take care of them."

Oh, really? Thank you, I have always dreamt of taking care of kids for several months! "Yikes."

"They can give you company."

Like she cared.

"And they're coming tomorrow."

WHAT?

"You will probably have to share a room with either one of them." My mom looked like she didn't care about me at all. She turned around and was ready to leave.

I walked to her when she was opening the front door. "I can't sleep in the same bed with another guy!"

My mom gave me a blank look. "Your cousin is a girl."

And my life was a living hell. I collapsed on the floor when my mom closed the door behind her, leaving me thinking when would be the next time I would see her. In a week? In a month? I fought back the tears because I was so tired of crying. I knew I would do that later tonight so I could at least hold them until then.

I pulled out my phone form my pocket. No new messages, how shocking. Nobody needed me, nobody missed me. I had some friends but they didn't care much either. I had never felt connected with them, like I wasn't on the same level as them. All of them were so happy all the time. Well, they had their dark periods but usually they truly laughed at each other's jokes. I was the one with fake smiles and who stood at the corner, observing people's happiness.

Only to prove myself a point, I opened my messages and typed.

Me: Just heard I'll have to live with to kids for months. Not funny :(

I was surprised my friend answered. It only took 15 minutes, and I'd seen him open the message over 10 minutes ago. That whole time I had hoped he would've come online again and answer. Guess it was my lucky day at least in some way.

Taetae: Why?

Me: My cousin is coming with her friend.

My friend opened the message, then left the app. There was no answer.

Was I glad to even have this kind of friends or was there supposed to be more? I didn't know. The times my mom was home, I told her that I would hang out with my friends. Do you know what I really did? I walked alone in the woods or on the streets, tears falling down my face because nobody cared. People turned to look at me but quickly faced the road after that. Even they didn't care enough to stop and ask what was wrong or if they could do something.

The night fell and I knew it was time to me to get up from the floor. I was hungry but didn't want to eat. I wasn't starving myself – not yet at least – because I knew I wouldn't look good anyway, so why bother? And I had this need to be strong. I had never cried in front of anybody and when I did by myself, I felt like hurting myself. But I didn't. I wanted to be strong.

Anyone could've seen I wasn't, though. I hated that I was weak, that I couldn't just shrug and forget that I wasn't loved. God knew how many people did that. I couldn't. I wanted to feel loved, but on the other hand, I had already lost hope. I didn't believe in love anymore, not to the love that was towards me. Other people loving other people, that was fine and beautiful. That was what I cried for at nights.

I walked into my room and looked around. I would have to clean tomorrow. I couldn't believe I would have to share a room with a girl. We had a guest room, but it was so small it could only fit one person. I didn't know why the other couldn't sleep on the couch. Hell, I would've done that, but I didn't like the idea of not having privacy at all. I wanted to cry in peace.

I guessed I had to enjoy the privacy as long as it lasted. I let the tears fall down my cheeks. Then I started to blame myself. Why was I so ugly? Why did nobody love me? Why couldn't I be strong? I didn't want to cry, I was so sick of it, but I couldn't help it. My crying wasn't loud sobbing, it never was. It was quiet. The only sound was me inhaling and the tears dropping on the floor.

Just like every night.