my bestfriend's brother ✔️

18

Dead.

That's what I feel. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, throughout my whole day until I close my eyes in the evening. All I could do was sulk and be this idiot who constantly lets himself be fooled all over and over again.

It's been exactly two weeks since that fatal day, and since, Jimin never made any move to confront me nor even try to talk to me. And I'm happy, I guess. I feel relieved that he chose not to bother me no more because damn hell it hurts. Even just the mention of his name hurts, seeing him hurts— everything about him hurts me. I hate it.

Yugyeom stared at me with such worry in his eyes with a hint of confusion as he tilted his head to the side. "What's wrong, kook? You look like shit for like a week now. Are you okay?" he asked, chewing on his fries.

I just forced a smile and replied, "I'm fine, just a bit stressed about stuffs but I'll live." he raised a brow, eyes scanning my whole face which somehow made me feel embarassed.

"Are you sure? You have really dark bags under your eyes, are you even sleeping?" He asked. Yugyeom doesn't know anything about what really happened nor Joy and Irene. I told taehyung to keep it to the both of us because I didn't wanna trouble them of my shattered heart. There's really not that much to tell them anyways, Jimin and I never made it official to begin with. I loved him and he just tried to reciprocate my feelings but he couldn't, and it sucks because it boosted my hopes up, only to go down til the earth's crust.

I gave him my everything. My virginity, the whole me. I let him do the things he wanted with me, my body and my feelings. So where the fuck did I go wrong? does he really hates me that much for loving him? why am I even asking, of course he does. Why wouldn't he? I'm a good for nothing piece of shit, I can't even do anything right. I'm ugly, I don't deserve such masterpiece. He's like a god whilst I'm like a peasant, we don't match at all.

But nevertheless, I hoped, dreamed— that someday, a god like him would fall for a nothin like me. That he would feel the same, that someday he would fill the emptiness I feel inside. Why am I so stupid to even hope for such an impossible dream?

So stupid,

Maybe if I was smarter, beautiful and much more than who I am, maybe then he'd love me. Maybe he'd finally fall for me, for real.

"—kook, are you listening?" I snapped back to reality when a hand waved just right on my face, a frowning Yugyeom coming into view. "Are you sure you're okay, kook? You've been spacing out ever since this morning, I'm getting worried."

"Just have a lot of things in mind— Ya'know, finals and all those shits." I tried to sound as cheerful as I can. He eyed me skeptically for a moment before brushing it off and starting a new topic about this party on friday night, and as usual, I spaced out but still managed to look interested when in truth, my mind had long wandered to that orange haired asshole.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" I heard a deep voice hissed from behind, followed by a loud thump. I turned to look at it and was suprised to see a mad taehyung, glaring directly at.....yoongi?

"I missed you," Yoongi bit his lip shyly, reaching a hand to rub the back of his neck in embarassment.

"Well I don't." Taehyung coldly brushed passed him and walked his way to our table with Yoongi following silently behind, his head hang low like he had just been scolded by his mother.

"Hi hyung," I waved, giving him a small smile.

He looked up at me and smiled as well, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Hello, Jungkook." I could feel taehyung glaring at me for entertaining him. Til now, I don't really know why taehyung hates him so much, I mean hyung is a nice man. He has a decent job, smart and he's handsome.

"I told you to go away, yoongi." Taehyung said without any hint of emotions, not even daring to glance at the older.

"Tae, don't be rude." I frowned at him.

"Stay out of this, kookie." He glared at me, taking me a back. His eyes pierced through me like a knife, sending chills down my spine. Taehyung's eyes screams murder, it was cold and very suffocating. Is this even my best friend?

"It's okay, kook. I just came by to see tae, anyway. Bye." Yoongi awkwardly interfered with a nervous chuckle. Yugyeom on the other hand, was clueless as he dug on his food like a predator not having to eat for days. "Bye, taetae." Yoongi added, his gummy smile in show as he stared at the younger who just ignored him. His smile suddenly dropped, and with a sigh, he turned around and walked away.

Taehyung didn't care nonetheless, ingraved in his own world. I could only just sigh, taehyung and yoongi is a complete presentation of Jimin and I's story. The only difference was, taehyung never lead yoongi on nor showed any signs of affection. He never played with his feelings. He stayed true to what he really feels and this hate towards the older man.

But just like yoongi, despite every shits, I love Jimin nevertheless. Despite every sorrow and and every pain in ever word he says or do, I couldn't bring myself to hate him. No matter hiw empty I feel all because of him, I'm still hoping, waiting and dreaming that he'd come and fill me up once again. To explain everything, or even just lie to have me back— I'd prefer either way, just to be with him. I'd rather be lied on than be left behind by the only person I want to be with.

and even if it's a lie,

I want to hear how much he loves me.