P L U S S I Z E

First Day of School.1

I walk into school with my head down. people always judge me. I mean people judge everyone in high school but I get it a little worse.
Hi my name is Eleanor or as I like to be called, Ellie.
I'm a seventeen year old girl in high school so you'd think I would be over all the judging but I can't be. I judge my self everyday. Every time I look in the mirror I hate what I see.
It wasn't always like this. When I was in middle school I was thin, very thin actually I only weight 107 pounds. I was one of the best on the track team. I had a hot boyfriend. Then the summer after eight grade my dad died in a car accident. I stopped running. And started eating. A lot. I began to rapidly gain weight. By freshman year I had gained 40 pounds. My boyfriend broke up with me. I was too 'fat' for him. I was like fuck him. But then after that I got more sad. The sadder I got the more I ate. Now I'm a senior and it's my first day back. Last time they saw me as a junior I was 178 pounds. Now that I'm a senior I'm 192. I check everyday. To see if I miraculously lost some weight. I never do. I squeeze into my small car that I have. My mom would love to get me one that I fit good in but she can't afford it. So I look like a whale trying to fit inside a punch buggy.

But as I pull into the parking lot of the school, something has never looked so big and made me feel so small. I see all the pretty skinny girls walk by. They have there flings from the summer on there arms. All I have on my arms are stretch marks. I get out of my car and fix the dress I'm wearing. Though I am very heavy, I try to dress nicely. But I know I still look horrible. My mom always says I have the most beautiful face though. Which I suppose is true, not to sound selfish or anything but it's all I have so I take pride in it. I'm not like most plus size girls. I have an angular face, and hardly a double chin (it only appears if I like look down a lot but that's how it is with almost everyone). I have nice features and my neck isn't bad. It's from my shoulders down I have a problem with. I have pretty normal breasts so that eliminates me from every being a plus model, I think they like big boobs. My stomach is pretty big but it's my hips and thighs where it's the worst. It seems to pile up there. I often knock stuff off of desks when I walk by. The fat on my arm also seems to be a bother when I'm lifting them, so though I'm smart I don't like to raise my hand.

I start to walk towards the school. I can feel people stare at me. Am I too heavy. Am I leaving cracks in the ground each step I take? No that's silly Ellie. Or is it?

"Hey Ellie!" I hear my friend Ryder yell, snapping me out of my day dream. He has been my best friend since grade 3. He is very gay. But I love him to pieces. He has an opposite problem then me. He went through a problem a freshman years were he couldn't eat. He had anorexia. He couldn't eat and I couldn't stop. But luckily he has gotten it all cleared up but he is still extremely skinny.

"Hi Ryder." I say, a lot less enthusiastic than him. He frowns.

"What's the matter Ellie?" He asks.

"I gained more weight Ryder." I say quietly. He frowns and looks down at his feet. He then shrugs and takes my hand.

"You can't even tell! Now come on let's go inside and have an amazing school year!" He says with a big smile. He swings my hand back and fourth as we walk inside.

How is he so happy? I wonder to myself.

"Ryder can you maybe not swing my arms are to fat to do that." I say. He stops and crosses his arms whilst looking at me.

"Look, that's not true and you know it. Now stop being so self conscious and just be you because to me you are beautiful!" He says.

"But you're gay." I say with a small chuckle. He smirks a little.

"But that doesn't mean that I don't still think girls can be beautiful too! And to me you are gorgeous!" He says. I smile a little and he takes my hand again.