The Last Mage

Chapter7: Decisions

It was the hottest day any of them could remember in all the time Brielle had been working the new field. It had been four days since she had spoken with the Mage Morvin in that distant field. She had tried to pass it off as just another dream, tried to ignore the fact that Nathan was still there. He hadn't left her side since that night. He followed her almost everywhere. It was almost more annoying when she couldn't find him right away. Many times he was on a horse. But when in a crowd she wouldn't know where he was and usually would walk right through him when she turned around.

This bothered her as much as it did him. She remembered touching the horse, being able to touch him, and now she couldn't even when she tried. Not that she tried when he was paying attention. He seemed quite offended that she was ignoring him and he had taken to ignoring her as well. Didn't help her get away from him. He just acted like he was going the same way as her anyway.

Her friends had asked her that morning what the mage had said. She had wanted to lie, say he hadn't visited her, but she couldn't bring herself to lie to her friends. She had just ignored their questions. She had changed the subject a million times. They had dropped it but she knew their feelings were hurt. They saw her furtive glances around, seen her jump when she walked into Nathan, knew something was up. And she wanted to tell them. But then there would be that little worm of doubt that told her it couldn't be true. That it was dangerous to tell them.

The sun beat down on her head, sweat dripping as she tore at the tiny weeds trying to overthrow her new plants. At least she hoped they were growing. So far all she had seen were weeds. She didn't pull any on the top of the furrow for fear of pulling the corn up at the same time. The other girls were for once not laughing and joking. They looked miserably hot but not one glance was made toward the welcoming shade of the tall corn stalks. They'd been at this weed mess all morning. The water from yesterday had mostly dried so at least it wasn't hot mud sticking to them.

Brielle glanced toward the road where she knew she'd find Nathan relaxing in the shade. He hadn't ridden today but had walked nonchalantly behind them looking anywhere but at her. He was annoying her on purpose. If she had known that thinking it over would have him following her all the time she would have answered right away.

Answered what? That was her problem. She had wanted to learn that night. She had thought she would go back the next night and agree. She hadn't wanted to seem like an eager child. Adults took time to think things through. The problem was now she wasn't sure. A part of her wanted to call to Mist right now but the other part of her was afraid. She could admit that now, today, in the heat of the fields. Other days it was a different story. She'd made up all sorts of reasons why it was a bad idea. Now that she saw what she'd done, it reminded her of her new father. The one who wanted a son. The one who always had some reason not to believe anything.

"That is it! I don't care what your father says! You can ignore the Guardians all you want but I'm not going to stand around being ignored!" Brielle hadn't even noticed Requel standing in front of her. Probably telling her something or asking her a question. And she hadn't even noticed. Now Requel was across the field and disappearing into the stalks and she was still just sitting here. Amber and Eryn were already gone. She had to sort this out before it ruined her whole world. Yet telling them she was afraid... what would they think of her? She's brave enough not to eat dirt, brave enough to sneak chalk from the Keepers, but not brave enough to learn something new. She could tell them something else...

"It's okay to be scared." Brielle jumped at the voice. Nathan was crouching behind her picking at the weeds, not looking at her. She didn't know how she could hear him. She had purposely not touched the Center stone since that first worm arrived. She sighed and crouched beside him, stroking the fuzzy leaf of a redroot.

"If I'd been told I would be standing practicly alone against Zarlo and his demons, I'd never have joined the Guardian Corps. I'd have stuck with cleaning fish." Brielle glanced over at him trying to keep the anger from her voice.

"If my father ever found out that I have anything to do with you, he'd turn me in himself! Maybe even kill me himself! I doubt you had any such problems!" She tore at the ground, stuffing weeds, dirt, and all into the bag.

"You're right. My father simply acted as though I had never mentioned it. Is that what you're afraid of? Your father?" She looked over at him, the anger draining as their eyes met. "Or is it something beneath that?" His image blurred as the unwanted tears came.

"Nathan, I don't want this! I just want to stay invisible to everyone! I want to live a normal life and die in... a pile of weeds!" She threw the bag in front of her and sat down not caring what she smashed. "I'm scared of him and I'm scared of them and I don't know who I am anymore!" She pulled her knees to her chest and hid her face in them, letting the tears soak into the scratchy pants. She felt his arm around her shoulders but didn't look up.

"Brielle, it'll be okay. Everyone is scared of something. Sometimes being scared is what saves our lives."

"But you're not scared of them. I saw you! And Morvin's not scared of anything! How can I be any help against Zarlo if he terrifies me?" She looked at Nathan, hoping to see some doubt to confirm her fears. But he was smiling. She blinked away the tears to be certain. Yes, he was.

"Brielle, I was terrified when those demons burst out of the trees toward us. I almost ran when the towns militia did. If I hadn't been stuck between two old veterens who held me put, I woulda been gone."

"But you looked so, so... you didn't run and you weren't scared. But I ran when I saw four demons four floors below on the street! If I ever saw Zarlo I'd probably die right then and there! How am I supposed to help?" The smile faded but his eyes stayed soft, his hand holding her shoulder.

"By learning. By overcoming your fear with knowledge. It has power over you only when you let it. Everyone gets scared, the only difference between the hero and the common people is that a hero overcomes their fear. They choose to do something and they don't let fear stop them." He looked away then, toward the factory side of the city. "Your father is letting fear decide things for him." Brielle scowled at this. She couldn't imagine her father afraid of anything but loosing his position.

"My mother told me that when a parent looses a child they have one of two reactions. They either hold tightly to their other children not wanting anything to happen to them, or they distance themselves from the others they love so they don't get hurt again. Until they overcome their fear they either hold too tight or they let go."

"My father was very proud of Jeffrey. But Nathan I don't think he's afraid of loosing me. I don't think he'd care if I died of heatstroke." She pushed herself up off the row she'd been smooshing and examined the plants. Sure enough she found one that looked like a corn sprout. She looked again at Nathan. He was looking West toward the ruins. In this afternoon light the rubble was bright. She tried to imagine the building as it had been. A bit of hope surged inside her.

"I think I've made my decision." She looked Nathan in the eye, seeing a sparkle of hope there as well. "But before I tell Morvin there's a few other people who deserve to know." She picked up her bag and carefully stepping only in the furrows entered the next field.

Nathan smiled and walked back to the road. He was tired from concentrating for so long but he felt good. All spells had their loopholes but it sure was tiring using them.