Cas, I'm sorry... [CastielXReader]

Why? (edited)

I woke up in a place I never thought I would see again. I was on a bed at the bunker, the door slightly ajar. I got up, nearly falling down due to a major headache. I brought my hand up to my head, placing it on my right temple. "Ughhh..." A crashing sound came from a few rooms over. I stood up, trying to ignore the headache, and walked to the place the noise came from. Dean was standing by a bookshelf, and Sam was sitting at the table on his laptop in the library. A few books were scattered around on the floor. Neither of them noticed me as I leaned against the wall. "...Why am I here?" I mumble, catching Sam's attention. He looked up at me before hurriedly getting up to hug me. Dean had caught sight of this and looked towards the direction Sam was running, seeing me.
"(Y/N)..." Sam seemed relieved. Dean put the book in his hand back on the shelf before cautiously making his way towards me.
"Who brought me back?" My voice was nearly a whisper, but a bit high pitched. Sam let go of me as Dean just stared. "Who brought me back?" I spoke a bit louder, getting angry at them for not answering.
"Cas..." Dean spoke out.
"Where is Cas?" I asked.
"We don't... We don't know. Dean had him bring you back and when you got here, he was gone." Sam spoke calmly, seeing my body tense up.
"One, have you tried praying for him? And two, why the hell would you do that?" I asked Dean. There was silence.
"Because we need you. You should be alive. You're happy now, right?" He replied, a look of confusion painted onto his features. My hand clutched against the side of the wall as I closed my eyes. I opened them and looked at Dean.
"Why aren't you happy? We love you and needed you. We did this for you. I don't..." Dean trailed off.
"You don't get it, do you Dean? I was dead. I was truly, finally dead. And I should have stayed dead. I should have stayed, rotting in hell. But you brought me back. You forced Castiel, your brother, to go missing in order to save me. Dean, do you not understand? I know you know how I feel. You've said these exact words before: I was dead, and I should have stayed dead." I threw the harsh words at the man standing with his brother next to him. Sam had a look of sadness and apology written on his face, but Dean's showed anger and shock.
"(Y/N), I did it- We did it because we need you. You shouldn't have sold your soul in the first place. And once Cas got his grace back from you Crowley's mutt came. That shouldn't have happened. I will not apologize for that." Dean spoke rather angrily back to me.
"It wasn't your choice. I made the deal. I knew what I was doing. I chose this. I should have happened. It did happen. And you should have left me in hell. You should have left me to my own consequences." My voice got quieter and deeper with every word. Dean got closer to me, his hands balled into fists. Sam reluctantly followed him, making sure he didn't do anything stupid.
"Don't ever say that. Ever. I don't leave my family behind. I do what I want." Dean spoke firmly.
"That isn't what Adam thinks." I mutter thinking about the ignorant child in the cage with Lucifer.
"I..." Dean had nowhere to take that sentence. He, instead, brought his hand up to my face and slapped me. I was unphased, not moving from my postition. It hurt, but I didn't care. Sam, on the other hand, now looked furious at his brother. He had grabbed Dean and pulled him back.
"Dean, I went to hell. I made the deal. I wanted this. Don't fucking save me. I don't give a damn if you were mad. I don't give a damn if you think you did this for me. I made the choice. Now, Sam, I apologize, but I'm leaving. I- I might be back later, with Castiel hopefully. I'm sorry." I spoke in their direction. Towards the end of my words, I turned around and grabbed a coat that I had left before hell, and noticed my keys and phone both lay under it. Sam nodded and loosened his grip on Dean without letting him get to me. I looked back at them, smiling, before walking outside to my car which was apparently here.
I drove back to my house, but it wasn't the same. The life had nearly drained ot of it, the color had faded, the dog was gone, the lights were blown, and Castiel was nowhere near. "Castiel, Cas, can you hear me? I'm sorry Dean made you do what you did. I know you're probably hurt, but I need you. Please, come home when you get the chance." I whispered. There was no responce. I sighed, not knowing what to do. Damn it Dean. Why'd you have to go and bloody do that? Hearing myself think without someone talking back to my thoughts was slightly satisfying. I walked to my bedroom, throwing myself onto the bed. It wasn't clean, but a little mess never hurt anyone. I wanted my angel boy back. I needed him back. I closed my eyes, waiting for something important to happen. I couldn't hear well, but I thought I heard wings. I looked up, seeing no one there.
"Stop imagining things (Y/N). It's stupid. He's not here." I scold myself for my thoughts and hopes, waiting for them to come back. I throw myself back on the bed, ignoring everything else in the house.
"He'll be back." Morgan's voice sounded. I sighed.
"Why haven't you let go yet?" My voice was muffled as I was face first in pillows.
"I have my reasons." She spoke to me yet again.
"Fine."

Note: edited