Mahal ko o mahal ako?

Confuse

Everything happen the way I wanted to be. I found my bestfriend a girlfriend, but I guess something came up that I didn't expected. I never thought I could be so close to him again, that I become dependent on him, that I think my days couldn't be complete without talking to him, that I was able to survive the homesickness and the loneliness being away from home, from my family.

And lastly I never thought I would feel more than this, more than ever. I'm not sure but I think I can never get him out of my system anymore, that not a single day would pass that I can't think of him, day and night I always remember him, wishing to talk to him, the way we used to be, wishing for more. Wishing for him to love me, to love only me.

I'm not sure but I think I love him, I think I'm in love with my bestfriend. I know it sounds crazy, it's not right, I have my boyfriend, the father of my son, my husband to be, and my bestfriend has his girl now, and she's my friend too. I don't wanna ruin everything just for this crazy thing I'm feeling right now. I can't tell him I love him. I shouldn't.

Maybe I'm just confused. Maybe I just missed my family, I'm just lonely. I'm still praying and wishing for the days and time to run fast so I can be with my family again and to forget all these nonsense.

I wish to forget everything when I sleep. I don't know but I'm in pain now. Brain, please help me forget about how i feel for him.

Days passed.....

Dami kong missed calls from Christoff, dami ding messages, gusto nya akong makausap, naguguluhan daw sya sa ginagawa ko, mahirap man sakin, pero wala akong sinagot sa mga tawag at messages nya.

May mga araw pa na nakikita ko si Ellie kausap sya sa fone, na parang torture talaga, it was really hard but eventually I was able to hide my feelings, like I learned to be a very good pretender. Pretending not to see, not to hear or not to get hurt every time she's telling me about him. She sometime ask me to talk to him, but I just simply said I'm busy.

Months passed and I think I was okay now, doing good without him.

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