Did you ever think of me?

I Just Don't Know Anymore

"No. No no no no." I shook my head back and forth in denial. This couldn't been happening. Not now. He left me. He didn't call me back. He was the one who disappeared.

'You know that's not the truth. You let him go. You knew what would happen'

I still didn't expect this.

"Vivi? I thought you would be happy to see me?" There in front of me stood the now famous Mitchel Musso. His brown hair in his eyes and tight tshirt clinging to his perfectly shaped chest- NO!

"I-I just don't know what to say. I-I...." I drifted off... unable to say anything else.

"Wow, I never knew the day that I would make my bestie speechless." His smirk grew across his face and suddenly anger swelled in me.

"What Musso? Why now? Why are you back?" I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands. The rational part of my brain told me I was being unfair, but that was drowned out by the part of me that reminded me that he had taken a piece of me with him and shattered that part when he stopped contacting me. The part of me that was burnt to ashes when I heard almost daily updates from his parents because in his 'busy' schedule he was able to call them and talk for hours but he couldn't even text me.

He seemed shocked from my sudden anger and his smile faltered on his face. "Woah there Vivi. I just came back to be the 'famous guest judge' for the school competition. Remember, I used to go here too." He started to get a defensive tone in his voice, and it only made my blood boil even more.

"No, I don't. Maybe if you at least texted me, I would remember that I used to have a best friend."

"Hold on. Why are you so mad at me?! And 'used to'? Whats that supposed to mean?!" His smile completely wiped off of his face. He stepped towards me and his lips formed into a tight line while his dark eyes hardened and stared angrily at me. Slightly shocked by his attitude, I still didn't back down.

"Because! You left and I was happy for you. Then after a while, the communication slowly faded away until the only news I got from you was through your PARENTS!" I stepped closer to him and I tried not to let myself get caught up in his penetrating eyes and handsome face. "I felt like I had lost you. I tried to be reasonable, but you took a part of me and destroyed it when you took me out of your life. Its been a YEAR! Is it that hard to pick up your phone. Christmas, your birthday, our friendship anniversary, new years.... Everytime, I called you. I held onto some hope that you would just pick up your bloody phone. Just to hear your voice. To receive more than a bloody postcard from your band. One that was made and sent by your manager! You kept in contact with Ally. You kept in contact with all our other friends. Why not me? For the longest time, I beat myself up because I thought I had done something. That somehow I was being to clingy and you hated me. For a whole damn year I held onto this insane hope that you at least cared about me a fraction of how much I care about you!" We were practically nose to nose when I finished. I breathed a little harder. All my anger was gone, only pain left as I relieved the past. I backed away and stared at him.

His face was emotionless. It broke my heart that that was all I saw.

"Are you quite done yet?" His voice held a coldness that I had never heard from him. "Wow Vivian. I thought better of you. I really did. I finally fulfilled my dreams and I had my reasons for what I did. But you just had to think its all about you. What about me? Don't you think it was hard to leave my family, friends, and you behind? No! I had to do what I did. I'm sorry that I worried your pretty little head. I'm sorry that you felt so bad because your best friend was living his life. I'm sorry that you had to 'suffer' so much. Here let me give it all up just so YOU are feeling ok." His voice dripped with sarcasm at the end. I was shocked by what he said. I hung my head so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes.

His words stung me. I brushed past him on the way out of the door. When I reached the doorway, I turned around and looked at his emotionless, hard eyes. I blinked back my tears and cleared my throat.

"Im sorry that you think that that is what I am like. Maybe if you had checked, I supported you the whole time. I watched the show everyday. I bought your CDS. I even went to your concerts, every single one. I was so proud of you. I was happy for you. I guess, I just missed my best friend." I choked back a sob. "You have no idea how much I silently supported you, even after I hadn't heard from you. I love you Mitchy. More than you can imagine. And whatever reasons you had, I trust they were good enough. I'm sorry that I'm so 'selfish'. Good luck." For a second I saw the emotionlessness break on his face before I turned away and rush out of the room. I let the tears flow and ran to my dorm.

I flew into my room and crashed into my bed. I hugged my pillow close to me and sobbed. I screamed his name. I couldn't help myself. To think that he did it on purpose. He would never love me like I loved him. Even though I was with Parker, I couldn't help but feel the rejection shatter the rest of my heart that belonged to Mitchel.

My best friend. My crush. My everything. It all shattered. To him I was selfish and cruel. Well, I will show him that that is not the case. I would win this competition. I would not let him get to me. I will move on.

At least, I will try.

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