Liam's in the shower when Niall gets the call, the next day. Sees Ellie's picture on his screen as he's sat on the bed watching reruns of Fallon, waiting for him to accept.
He feels off-kilter, then. Like there's a sudden weight that's just landed on his shoulders, compressing his chest. Feels guilt, but also. It's strange. Doesn't know how to describe it.
He hesitates momentarily, then turns the TV off and accepts the call, swiping the screen, and her face comes in view, without any makeup, looking so well-rested and glowy and happy. Her hair's tied and he can see on the corner of the screen that Lexi and Kiara are splashing each other in a pool. Makes him uneasy.
"Hey, babe, " she greets him, smiling, and he fights to smile back. "Sorry I couldn't get to you earlier. Went on a two-day trek with the girls, climbed a mountain down to a beach. You should have seen it, it was so blue and clear and it was literal paradise. "
"Sounds amazing, love," he says quietly, smiling fondly at her. Tries to quell the feeling in his chest. "I miss you."
"I miss you too," she answers in turn. Looks behind her briefly when someone calls her name, says, "Can't! I'm talking to Niall! " There are sounds of teasing on the other end, several girls whistling and squealing, and it makes him feel worse.
"El," he says, and she turns back to look at him, looking so happy. He wants to tell her, desperately. Wants to be honest. But he can't. Not now, not when they're not even together in person. Can't crush her. Swallows, asks instead, "How are you? Everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm super relaxed and I'm feeling really rested, " she tells him, and he sees her walking off when one of the girls pester her again, goes inside some room and closes the door behind her. "It's a miracle. We're going to go see some elephants tomorrow, do you want anything? Stuffed toy, picture, special elephant greeting?"
He stays quiet, and he can just hear the quiet hum of the shower running in the bathroom. Breathes deeply, and says quietly, "Just want to come home and see you."
She looks at him then, and her face softens significantly. Her eyes are bright when she tells him, " I miss you so much. "
"Me too," he says, and nothing's a lie. Everything comes from his confused heart, perfectly happy with what he has with her, but with Liam. It doesn't feel wrong, even if he knows it should, and it makes him feel all that much worse about what he's done, what he's doing. "Good to see you doing okay."
"How are you, then?" she asks, and Niall doesn't know how to answer her properly.
"I'm fine. There's been a snowstorm here for the past few days, weather reports say it might be a few more days until it clears up."
"But you're safe? " she asks him, looking at him nervously, and he knows how she gets. Worries about him, if he's okay, if he's feeling under the weather, can tell by the look on his face if he's just not fine. He schools his face to something somewhat neutral, tries to give her a genuine smile.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"Okay, as long as you're safe," she says, pursing her lips a little, the way he knows when she's not fully convinced. "But. Are you really okay? Isn't it lonely? "
No, it's not. "I'm okay," he just repeats, smiling again. "I really am. It's peaceful here. You'd like it. Quiet, good food, great shopping too, from what I've heard, but. You know, can't quite leave the hotel, unless I wanna get buried in snow."
"Get me a ball of snow, then, " she says, "I've heard Italian ice is really good."
"I don't think that's - yeah, alright," he says with a sigh, laughing along with her.
"Okay, Kiara's been wanting to go to town, try some of the local food, you know, authentic, " she says, making a face. He laughs, because he knows she can't quite handle that kind of thing. "Need to get ready, and everything. I'll be seeing you."
"I'll be seeing you," he repeats to her, smiles at her gently.
"I love you. "
"I love you," he replies readily, and waves as they disconnect, and he drops his phone on the mattress beside him as soon as he locks it. Still feels odd, terribly off-balance and like he can't quite breathe properly. Knows something's bothering him, genuinely.
The sound of the television set being turned on breaks him out of his thoughts, and his mouth goes dry when he sees Liam plopped down on the couch, wearing some t-shirt he'd borrowed from him. He hadn't even heard the door to the bathroom open, hadn't even noticed him, and it makes him feel even worse.
He gets off the bed, goes over to the sofa and drops down on the other end. Liam won't look at him, though, just watches Jimmy Fallon in the middle of a Lip Sync Battle versus Oscar Isaac and John Boyega.
"That was Ellie, then?" he's asking, sounding blank, still not looking at him.
Niall swallows, answers, "Yeah. Called in from Bali. She's doing okay. Going to see some elephants tomorrow with her girls."
"Yeah, heard that. That's good, fun for them," Liam says, rather plainly. Glances at him briefly to give him a flash of a smile, before turning back to the screen.
Niall doesn't like the tension in the room. It's foreign to them, to him and Liam. It's never been something he's ever had to worry about, with him, but now.
"Liam-"
"I promised you I'd be okay, Niall," he's saying before Niall can show his concern, looks at him properly. Doesn't quite smile, but he's not frowning, doesn't look in any way devastated. Just is. "I'm okay. It's okay."
Niall stares at him, and he doesn't know what to make of it. Liam reaches out to run his hand over his thigh in what he supposes is supposed to be a comforting gesture, but it just makes him all that more doubtful of Liam's true emotions.
"You sure?" he asks quietly, and Liam leans over to kiss his cheek. Softly, gently, very quickly. "You'll tell me if you're not alright, yeah? Don't lie to me just so you can spare my feelings."
"It's not like I didn't know you'd be talking to her, at one point," he says, shrugging a bit. Niall reaches over to take the remote control, turns off the TV as John's starting to dramatize 'Bad Blood.' Doesn't need to see or hear any of that.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly, and Liam snorts at him.
"Don't apologize for talking to your wife, we're okay, it's fine," he tells him, scratches at Niall's stomach, as if that will make him
any less nervous.
"But you'll tell me when you're not feeling that way anymore, okay? Please.."
"I promise," he says, and he's getting up from his seat, says, "I'll just go to bed. I'm quite tired."
"Okay," he says. Doesn't react at all when Liam's moving towards his bed, "Want me to join you?"
"Oh," Liam's mumbling, looks over to him as he pulls back the covers to get in. "When I meant 'go to bed,' I really meant, go to bed. I don't think I have much energy for anything else tonight, Ni."
"I know what you meant, twat," he rolls his eyes, stands up and goes over to the bed. " I meant, do you want me to cuddle you, or anything?"
Liam's quiet for a moment, and he admits, "Would like that, yeah."
"Big spoon or little spoon?"
"I'll little spoon, if that's okay," he's answering, and Niall hums his assent. Tucks him in as he lies down, and slides in behind him, turns off the lights before molding his chest to Liam's back. Holds him close, presses a light kiss on the back of Liam's neck. It's much more comforting than he should ever admit.
"Night, Li," he's mumbling, nodding off.
"Night, Ni."
