Niall tries to go about his everyday life. Tries to be normal, tries to be routine. Tries to come back to this life, the one he's known for so long, but it's much more difficult than he had thought it would be. The guilt just seems to be eating him up, every time he tries to talk to Ellie to end things, he chickens out. He knows the longer he carries this out the sooner he is going to lose Liam. He just can't seem to find the courage he needs to end things with her.
He visits his family in Ireland, like he had promised. Ellie couldn't come because of work but he's thankful for it, almost. Allows him to think and breathe, know where he stands with himself, at least a little more.
It takes a week before he breaks down and tells her everything.
It happens when they're sitting down on the couch, Ellie talking about Taylor and Kiara and something about their experiences with the local food back in Indonesia that he finally brings it up. Cannot hide the truth anymore, from her.
"El, I'm sorry. Something happened, when I was in Italy."
She stills and stops talking. She looks at him, then looks down at the table, asks him quietly, "Does this have anything to do with Liam?"
He freezes, and snaps his head up to look at her properly. He can see the betrayal already on her face, and he feels awful. "How did you know-"
"Sophia was in Bali," she says, and her voice is still steady, but just on the edge of it. Already sounds close to tears. "You know I've never been all that close to her, and when things happened with her and mike, I just. Cut off any communication."
He nods, understanding. He knows all of this, but he knows it helps her explain, when she recounts it, no matter how painful.
"But then you came along and I was okay, getting okay, even when I saw how hurt you were when she and Liam happened," she says, and she chuckles sadly at the look of shock on his face. "I've always known, you invited him to New York and when he didn't come you decided come with me. That's why you were a week late to Paris. How could I not know. It didn't matter; in the end, you chose me, and that was that. But Sophia, she and kiara became friends. Not close, but friendly enough that kiara insisted that I invite her, so I did, because it's her birthday gift. I initially thought she wouldn't be able to" she says
"But-"
"She asked me, why I wasn't on holiday with you" she continues, puts down the plate in her hand. It's shaking, slightly, barely perceptible, but Niall knows her well. "It was just small talk, we were trying to make an effort. Be mature, and everything. I was confused, because how did she know about that? Then she explains. She said that Liam and her still talked and he mentioned something about going to Italy with a friend a few weeks ago."
Niall doesn't speak. Can't find himself to, in any case. So, he asks a stupid question, instead, because he's been harbouring ill feelings towards this girl for years, maybe unrightly so, knows deeper that the feelings are misplaced, and should be directed towards Liam instead. But he wants to know.
"Why would he still talk to her if they broke up?" he says,
Ellie laughs at him, like he'd expected her to. He's just too predictable.
"Niall," she says once she stops laughing, still sounding breathy from her laughing. " She ended it with him. For good."
Now he really can't quite believe it. Just shuts up and tries to think, but there are too many thoughts in his head that he can't quite consolidate.
"She said that she knew that she was never that important to him," she explains. "She said she knew, that he was just using her. She thought he might outgrow it and learn to love her, for real. But he never did, and she got fed up with it and told him to fuck off. they haven't seen each other in years. They just recently started talking because they ran into each other at starbuck's"
He doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything at all. Stares at his hands instead where his knuckles have turned white. Feels like he'd made the wrong choice.
"Why didn't you tell me," he says quietly, "that you knew he was there?"
She sighs, her breath coming out shaky and tired, and she begins speaking in an exhausted tone. "I had hoped. Stupidly, now that I think about it, but I was hoping, that maybe the two of you weren't together and that he was with Kit instead. Maybe you'd be the one to tell me, and give me some sort of hope that it's not a big deal. That you just saw each other."
They're both quiet, for a while. Then, she asks him, "What did you do with him?"
"El-"
"No," she says, her face hardening, looking much older than she really is. A rarity. "I need to know. How far did it go?"
He silences himself, and can't come up with an answer that won't hurt her. His face crumples when he comes up short, but when he looks up to watch her, the look on her face suggests that she already knows it's going to be painful.
"A lot further than I'd want to admit to you."
"You slept together?"
"Several times," he swallows, feels his chest ache as she closes her eyes, her reserve breaking and the tears beginning to fall.
"Do you love him?"
"yes" he says. "He loves me too"
"Well, fuck," she says, laughing humourlessly, the sound coming off wet. "I really don't have any chance, now."
"Ellie-"
"I had a feeling, you know. That this might happen one day, always in the back of my mind and I was hoping, hoping, but I guess that's not the way my life works," she says. "I had a feeling, but still. I never prepared myself, for when it would actually happen. Always hoped it would be an ' if '."
"I'm sorry," he says, and he knows it's not enough. Can't say anything when she stands up, wiping her tears off her face, trying to look collected and put together but he knows he's just devastated her. Ruined her world.
"I need to go. I can't be here," she says, her voice no longer steady, but she's still trying. Steps away from the table, and she's saying, "I'll come back for the rest of my stuff soon, but right now, I can't look at you."
He cries then, feeling awful and this is his fault. He did this to her.
"Niall," she's says, turning back to look at him. "You were the best person I'd ever been with. I'd like to think you really did love me."
"I do, I still do," he says, and it's not a lie.
"But not in the way you love him," she corrects him. It's the truth.
"I'm sorry-"
"Don't," she cuts him off, voice hard. Then, she takes a deep breath, sighs, and tells him, "If Liam really is worth it, then you'd better make it count."
She leaves him, closes the door behind her, and Niall feels like everything's crashing down on him, and like a weight's been lifted, all at the same time. It's a confusing, wretched feeling, and he doesn't know what to do with it.
So he does what he can now. Cries silently into his hands. Hopes he feels better after it all, so he can deal with all of this with a clearer head.
finallly Niall's ended things YAY!!!
Leave some comments/thoughts on what you think is next for Niam 👀, I got big angsty plans 💀.
