Pillowtalk / Niam

Chapter 26: Dinner Dates & Unwanted texts

Louis is waiting for Liam when he's done with his class lecture. He invites himself for dinner with the excuse that he's going back to Doncaster at the weekend. Liam plasters on a smile, and bumps his shoe into Louis' ankle. "Where do you want to go mate? Anywhere fancy?"

"Nah" Louis says, with a grin. "I haven't been here for ages, though, you tell me what's new and good."

There's a restaurant up the other side of Chalk Farm that does a nice Mediterranean menu. Greek shit. They're healthy, aren't they? Greek's. All that cheese and tomatoes and stuff. And wine. Or is the French who have the wine? Liam's not altogether sure, but he's faintly convinced that whatever the menu, it's hardly going to not have alcohol. "Mediterranean all right?" he says, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Sounds good to me," Louis says. "Did you drive, or do you want to come with me?"

"Caught the tube" Liam says, gathering up his stuff. "Now I'm tasking you with being my driver, Louis. Do it well, or I'll tell your mother you drive like a maniac."

Louis just bumps his elbow into Liam's, and pushes his iPod into Liam's hand. "You can pick the music," he says, and Liam waits until he's turned around before letting out a ragged breath.

"That's true friendship, that," Liam says, following him out, forcing a smile. Tensions settled on his shoulders like a heavy weight; all of the lies and omissions of the last few years lying heavy against his skin.

Louis throws him a grin over his shoulder, and Liam has to bite down on his lip to stop himself from saying, I'm in love with Niall, and he doesn't want me, and I'm sorry I kept it from you.

The restaurant is nice, the food is also excellent but Louis feels as though something is off with Liam. Liam is normally chatty, but everything's a bit like hard work at the moment, chatting included.

Liam knows Louis has noticed judging by that little frowny furrow in his brow.

"I'm okay" Liam says, when Louis gives him a look of concern.

"Roo says you had a boyfriend," Louis says. The you haven't told me about him goes mostly unsaid.

"We were not really going out," Liam says. He picks at his lamb shashlik.

Louis doesn't look convinced. "All right. I've missed you, you know."

"Missed you right back, Lou." He has. Louis is the kind of friend who burrows in deep and sets up home near your heart, and Liam has a few of those friends, but Louis is the one who's burrowed the deepest the quickest.

"I'm going to see you more when I get back," Louis says. "Come up and see Mum and Dan with me. It'll be sick."

"All right," Liam says, since Louis' mum and step dad are great. "I'm in."

"I'm worried about you," Louis says. "Should I say that? Is that what we say? I don't know. It's just been, like, a while. You've been weird and I keep thinking I've done something."

Liam lets out a breath. "I know," he says. "I'm sorry. It really isn't you, though."

"I'm just saying," Louis says, "that, that isn't really all that fair. Even if it isn't me, it sort of feels like it is."

Liam feels a lot like this is the worst conversation ever. "I'm really sorry," he says. "I will fix this." He's dwelled on Niall Horan way too long. "I'm going to, like—when you get back. Me and you. We'll, like, spend some proper time together and everything."

"All right," Louis says. "I'll look forward to it. Look, don't be a fucking stranger, okay? Just because I'm going away doesn't mean you have to forget I'm even alive. I'll be back for a bit but then we're off to Australia. It'll be November before I'm back properly. I don't like it when we don't talk."

"I haven't—" he sort of has. "I'm sorry," he says. "I really mean that."

"You've been a bit of a twat," Louis tells him. "We've barely spoken to each other."

"I swear to god," Liam says, "you're one of the best people I've ever known."

Louis laughs at that. "Right back at you."

"And I wish I fancied you," Liam goes on, because it's really kind of true, even though it's totally inappropriate, "because you've got a fucking massive heart."

Louis laughs again, softer this time. "Yeah, well," he says. "I wish I fancied you, too, but I don't."

"My poor heart can't take the rejection," Liam frowns at him over the table. "I really am sorry."

"I know," Louis says.

Liam pushes his food over the table towards Louis. "Share mine," he says. "It's really nice."

Louis nudges his plate closer to Liam's, and steals half of his food. "Here," he says. "Have some of mine in return."

Liam suspects he'd come closer to fucking things up with Louis than he'd thought. He clenches his hands into fists, before stretching his fingers out. "Sorry," he says again. "I'm really sorry."

Louis just smiles at him. "It's all right," he says, and shares a bit more of his meal with Liam's plate. "Go on, eat that, and then fill me in on all the things I've missed while away."

***

Louis drives him home at the end of their dinner date, and he doesn't notice the message from Niall until he's in the middle of a conversation with Loki about appropriate things to chew whilst Liam's at work.

Couldn't you have picked a better looking boyfriend Li

Liam throws his phone across the living room, startling Loki into a barking fit. He manages to knock a picture off the mantelpiece, and crack his phone case at the same time.

He has had it up to here with Niall Horan.

What I do is none of your fucking business because you didn't want me so just stop acting like you're jealous.

He doesn't get a response to that straight away, and maybe it's for the best, because Liam is sick to death of the fact that he's still fucking in love with him even though he doesn't even want to be, and he definitely doesn't want to deal with his fucked up, jealous texts when all Liam is trying to do is get the fuck on with his life. It's not much to ask for, it's really not.

I'm not jealous

You act like you are, Liam sends back. If you don't want me you can't get jealous if other people do.

I never said I didn't want you.

Liam's heart pounds. It is just Liam's luck that he's gone and fallen in love with the only person in the world who's going to make it seem as if he doesn't want him and at the same time desperately seem to want him too.

You are so fucking fucked up, Liam sends him back. You broke us up; you made it clear you didn't want me. I love you and you didn't want me or us. Then you have the fucking audacity to get mad at me for moving on with my life. I'm not waiting around for you like a pathetic dog, unlike you Kit knows what he actually wants. You chose, Ellie. Just remember that. You are so fucked up.

He doesn't get a reply to that until the following day, when he wakes up. I'm sorry, Niall's text says. I love you. I'm sorry xx

Liam is so, so tired of feeling like this. It's exhausting. He wants it all to stop.

Jesus Christ Niall is confusing *sigh*