TRIGGER WARNING -
Wc; 784
Two months. God dammit Howell it's been two months.
I've called, I've texted, hell I've just about tried everything
You left me, packed your bag with the final words of "I can't do this anymore it's too hard"
I've instagramed, instant messangered, I swear I've tried everything
You left with the scent of cologne when I tried to pull you close to tell you to calm down.
I've tweeted, I've dm'd I think there's one thing, maybe I haven't tried everything.
I opened up my laptop, and I clicked the one icon that held us together for so long back when you were just my "internet friend"
I open it hoping that this would be the one thing, maybe you'd answer, it'd pop up on your computer since you're probably on it right now.
I know this would be everything.
It took me a few seconds till I finally clicked call, this was the longest minuet I've endured until I heard a voice but no camera.
This wasn't Dan.
This wasn't male.
This was a woman.
She spoke very few words.
"Hello? Who is this?"
"Umm, this is Phil is Dan there?" Phil said
"They said their name is Phil"
*nurses pov*
"Their name is Phil"
Mr.howells eyes squinted a little. As he lied there on the hospital bed he spoke a very faint voice
"Connect video. Point towards me"
*phils pov*
As the camera turned around I saw a face that I haven't seen in so long. But it was new and looked so sad and worn
It now has a greyish color to it. His hair was all gone. I was awestruck and I could only say some words
"W-what happened? Are you okay. Why'd you leave me. I was broken"
As I heard the faint voice crack just a small sentence
"Funny you're the broken one when I'm the only one who needed saving."
My now tear stained eyes, reach for a tissue to while off the tear stained laptop keyboard.
"You left me Dan. No context. No word. You left me with the confusion of "I can't do this anymore it's too hard" what was that supposed to mean? Then you finally answer and you're in a hospital bed looking like you're taking your final breaths, still without context. And you're here and I'm here on Skype like this is 2009 all over again, your face is just pixelations. The voice isn't yours and it's not enough for me. Why. Why did you leave me?"
I hear this faint voice speak once again as he says
"They told me I had two months. Phil I have cancer"
My jaw dropped out of shock.
At that moment Dan looked at me with a smile and said
"I never stopped loving you and I hope you live a long and happy life knowing that your love was what made me want to continue. I love you philly."
My eyes that had finally dried, welled with tears again. This time my cheeks weren't tear stained.
It all seemed to happen in slow motion,
When I heard the loud ongoing beep
To the single tear that fell upon my cheek a moment before
To the scream I couldn't even hear myself yell
To the doctors rushing in
To the flatline continuing
To the one beep I heard out of no where
To the hope I had for a split second.
To the flatline that returned
To the doctor saying the time.
"Time of death; 10:55 November 9th 2015"
To the voice I kept repeating of the last words ever heard from my soulmate who was supposed to be my forever.
To the ledge of that building,
To the voices I heard telling me not to
To the subscribers I knew I let down
To the millions of hugs I'll never get from them
To the trillions of tears they'd cry
To all the hearts that I knew id broke
To the explanation they'd never get
To the letter that I wrote just to save their lives
"Dear all the fans, I know I am so young
But the pain I endured was much too strong
Dan's life was taken by cancer
And I want to see my love
Please don't cry for you don't have to worry
Please don't hurt yourself or die because of me
Live the Dan and Phil life for us
Do it if you all really loved me.
Love you all and see you again sometime soon.
Your beloved, Philip Michael Lester"
To the leap that I took.
To the thud on the ground
To my lovers face that appeared
And said
"After two months I'm finally here"
