TRIGGER WARNING -
(Sorry this kinda sucks uhg Ik)
Wc; 938
Caring, loving, hopeful, that's all I ever was to you. And you left me. You left me. You said that I wasn't loving enough. How much love was I supposed to give you? I already gave you everything in my heart, and you burned it to a core. Now I won't play a victim. That's not what I am not ever will be.
I dial your number for the fifth time that day. But on a different phone.
*phone rings*
"Hello?" I hear his voice say. For the first time in months. But I can't say anything. It's like I'm at a loss for words and my mind is running through lists and lists of what to say to you but my mouth just won't say it.
I finally fathomed the courage to say a simple
"Hi"
"Hi? Hello? Who is this?"I heard his voice ring again. Piercing my every thought and making me feel stupid.
"This is umm, this is Dan.." I say with a light tone
"Oh" I heard a brief pause, "Dan, I don't know why you keep calling. It's over. And there's no changing that."
I finally gather the courage to speak like a person.
"But why Phil? You left me. With no reasoning. And you told me that I didn't give enough love. And what does that mean? Lester you know damn well that I put everything I knew into that relationship and I gave it my all and you just could never fucking take that as enough could you?"
"It wasn't like that Dan. I loved you. I loved you so much. But I couldn't take it. You were falling down and you were dragging me along with you! Just get over it Dan."
And with that I hear a click and then silence
*3 months later*
"Okay babe. Goodbye I'll see you tomorrow" Dan ended his phone call with his boyfriend Sam on a good note. Sam meant a lot to Dan and Dan never understood how he found someone so amazing.
Dans phone goes off in his pocket and he grabs it out and answers it.
"Hey Sam did you forget something?" Dan asked what he thought was his boyfriend, forgetting to look at the caller ID
"D-Dan?" Phil asked with a shaky tone
"Phil I told you to stop calling me. You're the one who wanted it over! Yore the one who ended it! You wanted me to stop dragging you down so I did! And I got over it! I got over it and I'm happy with someone that means more than you ever could now. So I'm giving you the same fucking advice you gave to me. Just, get over it Phil. Goodbye"
And with that Phil heard a click and then silence.
Phil never knew how much he was losing till he lost it and now that he lost it he lost what truly kept him being him.
He quit YouTube. And he's started drinking again. Not even just that he's started cutting too.
*ring ring*
Dan answers the phone that was buzzing in his pocket once again, reading the caller ID he saw that it was Phil. He answered it anyway.
"Hello Phil?!"
"Well Dan. If you wanted me over it so bad, then bam. I'm over it. I'll be hovering over the floor soon. Because no one needs me anymore"
Dan felt a cold/hot flash flush through his whole body. He hailed a cab and he went to his old place that Phil lives in now. He got their as fast as he could. He slammed the door open. Just as he did he saw Phil. Standing there. The noose around his neck ready to kick the chair below him.
This was a horror show. Dan saw loads and loads of empty alcohol, from Jack Daniels to Malibu, the whole 9 yards.
Dan rushed over to Phil
"What are you doing here Dan?" Phil screamed, "JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU SAID GET OVER IT AND I CANT SO FUCKING LEAVE"
"PHIL WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS. YOU BROKE MY HEART. I LOVE YOU AND GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I STILL DO LOVE YOU. LOOK AT WHAT YOUVE BECOME. THESE EMPTY BOTTLES AND THOSE MARKS ALL OVER YOJR SKIN. YOURE BECOMING THE VERY THING WE STOPPED EACH OTHER FROM BEING"
Phil was bawling his eyes out. He took the noose off and sat on the chair and cried. Talked about how he was stupid for letting go his only motive for living. And how he just can't go on without him. He cried and cried and cried. Dan didn't want to leave. He wanted to look into Phil's blue eyes without seeing them look like storm clouds. He wanted to sit right next to Phil forever and call him his again. Dan lightly lifted his head from Phil's shoulder and kissed him on the forehead.
"Please never leave me Dan" Phil said almost asleep because of all the crying
"I won't. Never again."
And at that point Dan knew exactly why he's here. To save someone that only left because they were afraid they'd drag down the ones they truly love whilst they were drowning. But Dan knew exactly what he needed to do from then on. And that was to not only love Phil, but to show him how much he means to him. And show him what he really means to everyone.
"Please don't leave" Phil repeated
"I won't" and with that Dan and Phil fell asleep, laying down on the hardwood floor, finally understanding what they really needed.
