17 Things I Found In Your Bedroom

Chapter 7 Part 1

"It's blatantly obvious we've all changed because there's a spare seat at the normally packed table, Tyler hasn't talked to anyone since he found out, Carli and Sam were going out before he died, and now they can't seem to stop fighting! Every single one of the fucking idiots in this school leave this table alone now, because of him! It's all because of him! And if you can't except the fact that Ace killed himself, then you just need to leave, because everyone knows that suicide is selfish, and stupid, and it happens way to often in this bloody day and age! Your boyfriend is dead and he brought it on himself. He could've told someone, or changed it, but nooo, he had to ruin everything for everyone else, just because he couldn't 'take it anymore'!" Yas yells. I stand up, grabbing my tray, and walk over to the next table along. There's only one guy on it, with his eyes cast up at me as I calmly sit down and take a bite of my apple.

Five Hours Earlier...

Since I put the notebook down, I haven't been able to pick it up again, except for packing it in my school bag. The tales in that diary are things I didn't observe enough when my boyfriend was around, and that makes me feel extremely guilty.

Yet, guilt doesn't fix anything.

The morning rays of the rising sun pour through the living room, coating everything in a layer of shiny yellow and dark shadows.

I'm going back to the Hell of society, but unlike usual, where I only dread French or maths, today I'm dreading the people.

I used to have a good set of friends. Ace, Wynter, Carli, Tyler, Yas, Sam and we used to sit at the same table every lunch, but now it will have changed. I don't know how they reacted to Ace's suicide, but I know for a fact there will be tension in the air.

Do I even sit with them? Should I sit somewhere else? There's a group of loners outside the front of the school, maybe I should join them?

I try to stop thinking about it. It's complicated.

"Right, are you ready to go then?" Mum asks, walking into the room. I hesitantly stand up, grabbing my bag from the floor. I've already packed and re-packed it three times, just in case. Being up since four in the morning hasn't really helped much with the nerves; in fact, it's made it a lot worse. It's given me more time to think over impossible problems which won't happen, and more time to make them become reality in my head.

Mum and I walk out to the dirty grey Vauxhall, the sun burning at my irises as we go. Wisely, we're going ten minutes earlier than normal. I don't want people mumbling to each other when I walk into class late. I'm a pretty anti-social person compared to most of the people in my class. A lot of the time at school, it's blatantly obvious. I always used to be fine with it because Ace would be sneaking me glances and trying to make me laugh so I would get told off. If he ever succeeded, he would confess it was him straight away, though. Always the gentleman.

*Flashback*

Math. It was one of my worst subjects. The teacher had a whole seating plan folder organised on his desk, and every morning before we would start on some incredibly hard trigonometry problems, he would check we were all in the right seats. Detention if you weren't.

I sat next to a short, curly haired guy with glasses. He always smelt of fresh sweat and library books, which was an odd combination if you ask me, but I was fine with it as long as we didn't talk. We had a mutual agreement to only discuss the work when needed, and it worked fine. We were both pretty socially awkward people.

Ace used to sit two desks away from me to my right next to a black haired girl who wore nothing but dark clothes, shoes and about 50 million tubes of black eyeliner every day. Needless to say, he got bored. Being a talkative, confused idiot every math lesson didn't help the girl's case, who wanted nothing but to pass the next exam with a C and walk away from my boyfriend without so much as a second glance.