Amnesia ➳ L.H

•6•

Luke|
"Ready?" Mrs. Linn asked us, standing in her doorway.

We went inside and I set the box of materials down in the floor.

"Let's start with your diary." Mrs. Linn said.

"I couldn't find one so I don't think I had one." Alyssa replied.

"Alright, family photo albums? Notebooks?" She asked. I pulled out the ones her dad labeled and handed them to Mrs. Linn.

"Alright Alyssa, we'll start with the easier family members like your mom, dad, brother, etc." she started before opening the book. I sat in the corner and Mrs. Linn instructed Alyssa to try and tell as much as she could remember about each family member Mrs. Linn pointed at.

I didn't feel comfortable being in here. I didn't want to be here but Alyssa did and right now she was one of my top priorities.

Not because of the money or anything; the money didn't mean anything to me. Alyssa was someone I never actually knew but hated anyway. Even these last few weeks I got to get to know her through her parents, her pictures, and everything she remembered to this point.

It's dawned on me that Alyssa was not the boring daddies girl I always saw her as. I just stared at her as she sat on the couch and I saw her as something more than that.

When she caught me we locked eyes for a moment before I looked away.

"Luke, you don't have to stay. You can wait outside until we're finished." Mrs. Linn suggested. I looked at Alyssa who was too busy going through pictures to notice what we were talking about.

"Okay, Yeah. Just send her out when you're done." I said as I left. I didn't feel like sitting in the uncomfortable waiting chairs so I paced outside, clutching the box of cigarettes in my pocket.

You don't need one. I told myself.

I didn't feel right not being in there with her. I needed to know what she was doing or saying.

You don't need one

What if she remembers me while I'm not in there?

You don't need one

What if she hates me?

You need one

"Fuck it." I mumbled to myself. I pulled out the carton and lit up. I leaned up against the moss covered brick wall, flicking the burnt ends off onto the pavement of the parking lot. When a car pulled up I looked behind me. I watched as a man got out of his car and headed for the front door.

The man had a disfigured face, obviously from getting parts of his mouth removed, and looked at me as he walked in. When he saw the cigarette in my hand he shook his head in disappointment and disappeared behind the door. I flicked the butt off again before hitting the end of it on the brick, letting the rest die out. I dropped it on the ground and smooshed it with my shoe.

Just then Alyssa walked out." I didn't see you inside so I assumed you went back to the car." She said.

"Let me help you." I took the box from her and we got in the car.

When we closed the doors she took a whiff and gaged." Luke, why does your car reek of smoke?" She asked, covered her nose with her shirt.

"Some guy was smoking outside and the air got all over me." I said, hoping she'd believe me. She nodded as I opened the window and started pulling out.

The car ride was silent and she flipped through radio station but could never pick one.

When I dropped her off, her dad was waiting for us outside.

I carried the box of stuff up with her and handed it off to her dad when she went inside. When he got a whiff of me, he gave me a cold look.

"Smoke all you want, just don't do it anywhere near my daughter." He warned. I nodded and went back to my car. I hit my head against the steering wheel multiple times. What was wrong with me? Why was I feel different?

Of course I'm guilty but I was feeling something much more than that. On the drive home I called Calum, maybe he'd ease my mind.

"Hello? Luke? Aren't you supposed to be at an appointment with Alyssa?" He asked when he answered.

"Just dropped her off at home. Thought you should know that there's something going on. I'm not sure what it is but I'm feeling more things for Alyssa than guilt." I said.

"Maybe after all this time you're starting to think of her as a person or even as a friend. Maybe you've grown out of that Unknown hatred." Calum suggested." Or maybe you're getting feelings for her."

I didn't think about that. When he said it I felt a pit in my stomach and my face turned hot; the kind of redness and warmth that you get in middle school when people ask you if you like that person and you don't want them to know.

"Maybe." I mumbled before hanging up. When I got back to my house, I sat in the car for a bit. I fiddled with my lighter and thought back to the times after my dad left.

I had spent most of them burning myself and throwing up. I decided against it now I went inside.