Is This Real Life?

part three

A/N: Part 3 coming at ya! Um... prepare for possible water works... *hands you tissues*
I'll just...
*hides under blanket*

Side note: got a little sidetracked looking through Google for that picture...

☆☆☆

It's been over a day since my family told me the news. Since then I've been so upset. I haven't spoken to anyone. I know that the sooner I get better the sooner I can leave, so I eat when I'm supposed to, and I take the medicine I'm given. But I still don't say a word.

I just can't believe that I'm all alone. In my, mind world or whatever, I had so many friends. I had people that told me every day that me and Phil were the reason they were still there, just like Phil was to me.

When I'm alone I silently let the tears down my face in the dark. I don't even care if I'm crying in the dark. At least I didn't have to see the tears fall down my face.

This morning mum brought in my phone. Wow... iPhone 3GS... I forgot how tiny my phone was... The first thing I did when I got my phone was open the camera and take a picture of myself. And I said my first thing in over a day.

"I look like a fucking fetus!"

"Dan!"

"What?"

"Language."

I wasn't going to argue. Could you blame me for saying that though? The last I saw myself I was a 25 year old. Now I'm 17 again.

And the thoughts of being alone started all over again. Needless to say I didn't speak anymore after that.

☆

2 weeks later, after a lot of rehab and being placed on suicide watch, I was finally allowed to go back home. Home... it's weird, because London feels like my home, not Reading. But none of that world in my mind was real, I just need to realise that. None of it was real.

But maybe it could be...

No! Stop it Dan! It was just a fictional world in your mind.

Great, maybe I'm going crazy. I'm having arguments with myself.

"We're here." Mum announced from the passenger seat of the car. I looked out the window to see my house.

It just doesn't feel right saying that anymore...

Dad parked the car in the driveway, and the four of us hopped out of it after he turned off the engine. I let mum ahead so she could unlock the door, and then we all walked inside. Everything feels nostalgic. But it shouldn't, because this is my home, not the world in my head that I made up.

Knowing the exact route to my room, I walked up the stairs towards the closed door at the end of the hall. I opened it slowly and walked in, closing the door behind me. And the emotions began crashing down.

Everything looks the same. All of it. But the way it did when I filmed my YouTube videos in here before Uni. The secret of my YouTube channel I kept from my family. The one time Phil came here to Reading and we filmed 'Amazing Dan'...

I just can't forget about that world! Everything there feels like that's the life I'm supposed to be living, not this one! I don't understand why I have the memories of a 25 year old version of myself from a world that I created in my mind while I was in a fucking coma! Why can't I forget?!

I just want Phil. I want everything to be back to normal. I want to be back in our flat in London, eating cereal and watching 'The Great British Bake Off'...