Is This Real Life?

part four

A/N: *sigh* 2009 Dan and Phil... I love... *coughs* oh hi...

Don't look at me like that... just read.

☆☆☆

Me and Phil have gotten on pretty well since I messaged him on Twitter that day. Since then he's friended me on Facebook, and giving me lots of editing tips for videos that I may choose to make in the future. He and I are working up a plan for me to stay at his house in Manchester in October. I can't wait to see him in real life.

Sometimes I need to stop and think though. Because I've forgotten a lot more about my mind world, but I know the biggest similarity is me and Phil meeting for the first time. It's overwhelming to say in the least. It's overwhelming because I know that my mind world exists, and I don't know what'll happen if I choose something in the opposite path when I need to make a decision.

I could easily mess up everything. I could fuck it up so bad that I end up back in Reading with absolutely nothing to look forward to in life. And that's what scares me.

I really want this. I want us to meet, and I want us to create the world that existed in my mind. I feel that if we do it together, we'll be able to achieve it, rather than just trying to do it ourselves, because then it might not even happen at all.

I just don't remember too much of my mind world anymore. I can only remember a few things, which were me and Phil's Skype calls, preparing to meet him in Manchester, going to America, and being 25... That's. It.

I mean, I could potentially forget everything in that world, but know that it once existed! It's crazy how that could happen, and by what I can only remember now, it seems like that's actually going to be the outcome.

I may not remember how our life went in my mind world, but that's ok. Maybe it's a sign that I'm not supposed to remember... that I'm supposed and just... live.

I just hope that I make good decisions from now on.

☆

"Dan, how much longer are you going to wait before you finally come here?" Phil asked me over skype.

"I'm buying my ticket soon." I assured him.

"How soon though?" He whined. I laughed. "We have known each other for ages now!"

"Phil, it's only been 7 months since we met."

"But that feels like so long!" He exclaimed.

"I'll let you know the second I buy my ticket." I informed him.

"Ok... I'm glad we met Dan."

"Me too..." I paused. I'm wondering if I should tell him. Not about my mind world, but what he's done to help me. Oh, fuck it. "Hey, Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"I uh, kind of have to uh... tell you something..." I nervously stammered.

"What is it?" he asked worriedly. He probably noticed my nervous expression.

"Since I found your videos... they really helped me a lot. They made me... smile and y'know... forget about the sad thoughts."

"Lots of people tell me that. But I don't think it's true..."

"But Phil you really helped me. Meeting you has been the highlight of my life so far! I've never had someone to call a best friend, because everyone liked other people more than me."

"I'm honoured that I'm your best friend-"

"Wait, I'm not finished." I interrupted him. He stopped and nodded for me to continue. "This is really hard to admit, but last year... I was um... I-I was really suicidal. I uh... tried to... overdose, a-and I was in a coma for 3 months."