Pariahs

Part Nine- I'm So Done

I woke up the next morning at 5am and was filled with this sick feeling. I scrolled through my phone for like 10 minutes before actually getting up; trying to distract myself from the events of last night.

I don't know why I felt this way. Maybe cause I knew a sweet innocent baby was gonna die, or Esmond's nose was broke because I was too blind to see it coming, or maybe cause I had made Brad cry. I didn't want to think about it...

As I scrolled I got my usual text from Castor. Es, Castor, and I had a morning group chat that was mainly used to wake members up, help decide outfits and squeeze in last minute answers to homework assignments. Castor was usually the first one to text us cause she is always the first one up. We had to tell her that she can't text us until around 5 cause she gets up at like four to do her workout and yoga routine.

Weirdo

I responded to her "Good morning lovelies", with, "Good morning guys", and soon after, Es sent, "Guys... divide $2000 by 3...".

Really dude. Esmond had told us he was gonna give us our share on our way to school so he had time to break up the bills.

I said, " Es, u have a calculator on ur phone!".

"Ik but u need to see this"

"Ok..."

I opened the calculator app and typed in 2000/3.

OH

MY

GOD

Well that's creepy...

2000 ÷ 3 = 666

Brad give me a dollar! Please!

This fact made me feel even more queasy. Now I knew I was the devil. I was a heartless being that exposed people and messed with fate. I know it was just a stupid number but it really psyched me out.

I had to go take a shower to distract myself and I felt I needed to wash my sick soul. I sung in the shower in order to drown out the voices in my head telling me that I just ruined Brad and Anna's lives and that there was nothing I could do about it.

After all my failed attempts to be distracted I just got dressed and let my thoughts say what they wanted.

Anna's gonna find out and she's gonna come after you

Brads gonna want his money back

You're taking part in the killing of a person who can't even defend themselves

You're sick

Disgusting

Worthless

You're a nobody because you just barge into people's life uninvited to find out personal info to trade to others for money

No one likes you

They were right. They were all right. This whole spying this was overrated and lame. It wasn't worth it. I knew way more than I ever should or wanted to. I was done.

-----------------

I stopped responding to the group chat after I came to my realization and I left the house early so by the time Es and Castor met up I'd already be at school. I didn't want to see them right now. I wasn't mad at them, I just knew they would try to convince me that what we do isn't wrong, but I knew better and I didn't want to hear it.

I left a note in Esmonds locker telling him to just put my share in my locker when he got here.

Squad didn't talk all day. And when lunch came along I just went to the library. I sat on a couch in the corner flipping through a magazine.

As I sat there reading an article about the best new way to lose weight, someone sat next to me. I looked up and saw the person I least wanted to see today. Brad Barns.

"Hey", he said putting his arms on his knees and looking at his hands.

"Um hi", I replied. I was confused.

"Well I talked to Anna last night"

I seriously didn't know why he was telling me this, bit I just went along with it.

"What did you say?"

"I just told her that I loved her and that I'd always be there for her no matter what and that if they're was anything she needed to tell me that she could get it off her chest"

"Did she tell you?"

"Ya she did. I convinced her to keep the baby. But we are fighting right now"

"Really? Why??"

"Cause she tried to flip it around this morning and say that I forced her to tell me and that I said she was heartless for wanting to give up the baby at first. She said she didn't need me and that all I do is cause problems. She called me immature and unfit to be a dad. I don't know what's with the sudden switch in attitude, but apparently we are no longer a thing and she is happy dating John now. My best friend"

"Damn I'm so sorry Brad. That's terrible! And she's already dating someone else?!"

"Ya apparently they've been talking for a couple of months now and she swears that she was losing the love for me a while ago. I don't get it"

"I don't even know what to say, but I do know that I am so sorry that this happened to you"

"You don't have to say anything. I just needed to tell someone"

The bell rang to tell us that lunch was over.

"Well Brad I'll see you in science seventh ok?"

Then Brad did something that I still to this day don't know what possessed him to do.

Brad Barns grabbed my face and pulled me to him. He leaned in and kissed me. His lips were soft and his thumb stroked my check as the other held my chin.

I didn't know what to do and I lowkey was enjoying it so I just let him do what he wanted. He kissed me again and pulled at my bottom lip ever so slightly. He pulled away then gave me an over exaggerated kiss and added a little *mwah* at the end.

He stood up and handed me my books.

"See ya then Pariah", and with that he just winked and walked out of the library.

What in the literal name of Jesus Christ just happened

I just wanted to push Brad in a pool of holy water. He needed it.