Help Me Find My Wings (Destiel)

Chapter 4

It was hard.

They were trying everything to find Dean, told the police officers everything they knew, everything they could think of. Sam told them everything he remembered, how their father abused him and his brother, how his father would never let go of a chance to make his older son suffer. How he and Dean always had to be close to survive, how Dean always took both of their beatings. How Dean started stealing for Sam's sake because their father wouldn't buy them any food.

Everybody was touched by those stories. It was difficult to listen to those and it was even harder when you saw Sam telling them so apathetically. He didn't let any emotions show, he was acting like he never really had been suffering through that. He just wanted to help and he knew it wouldn't help if he started crying, Dean wouldn't get home safely that way. He held back all of his emotions until he knew nobody would know and then he would cry. Sometimes Cas heard him and would go to Sam's room and they hugged, not saying a word. Other times Sam came to Cas's room and they held each other, trying to comfort each other. It was just so hard for both of them.

But Cas hadn't cried once during all these days of uncertainty. He was too numb for that – or at least he tried to convince everybody that he was. By all means, he couldn't help but feel too much. He had to hear about everything Dean had had to go through and it broke his heart to hear about all those times John Winchester had beaten his son and Sam had to help Dean. It was horrible to have to listen to all those stories of his boyfriend, the ones he had never heard before for a reason. Those stories just made him miss Dean more, he just wished they could be together. He wanted to hug Dean, to hold him, to tell him they would be okay, to show him that the world held so much more things than abuse and pain.

It made the black-haired sad though. He had worked so hard to show Dean that he was worth it, to help the brunet but now it would be all gone to waste. He knew John would break Dean again and they would have to suffer through everything again, they would have to help Dean with dealing, have to stop him from doing something he would definitely regret.

The thought of Dean being in pain kept him awake at night.

And for the first time in years, Castiel Novak started praying.

*~*

Dean Winchester felt like he was in hell.

Not in the religious hell of course, but his own personal hell. He hadn't slept since he had been kidnapped, he had only gotten bits of water and a slice of stale bread each day. He was hungry and he was cold, he just wanted a blanket he could curl up under and fall asleep.

Oh Chuck, that sounded like a dream – sleeping for as long as he wanted to. His father made sure he wouldn't fall asleep, always waking him up when he was dozing off. At first John Winchester had used an alarm, its high pitched sound always waking Dean up. Then he changed his method and started punching his son whenever Dean fell asleep. But even that sounded nice from where he was standing now. Dean could barely hold his eyes open, he had to force himself to stay awake because whenever he dozed off, John Winchester used a hose to wake him up again. By now Dean was soaking wet, shivering even more in the cold. He just hoped he would be allowed to sleep again, just wanting to escape his hell for a few hours.

But even now he didn't think about giving up or wanting to die. He still hoped that Cas would find him soon, he knew that his boyfriend wouldn't give up before he was found and safe. Whenever he felt close to giving up, when he felt like it was becoming too much, he started to think about Cas, thinking about what the black-haired would be doing right now. That distracted him most of the time, all he had to remember was not to smile because then his father would beat him up and leave him without food for two days. Even Dean knew that he was already skinny and this kind of starving would burn his left over fat and the few muscle tissue he had. He knew he would probably die from starvation.