Help Me Find My Wings (Destiel)

Chapter 8

Trigger Warnings: torture, suicidal thoughts

"You know, they somehow have a lead on us. I don't know how they actually managed to do that but we have to show them that they shouldn't mess with us, don't we?"

Dean flinched slightly and looked up to his father, no, John, with wide, horrified eyes. This couldn't be true. The police really had found a lead? Finally? That meant Cas andSam were going to find him soon and he would be free again. He could be with his brother and his boyfriend. He could be happy or at least learn to be happy again. He would be able to tell Cas how much he loved him.

But then again, that probably wouldn't happen. John's mind was so set on breaking Dean, on killing him, that Dean would never make it out alive. John Winchester would make sure of that, he would make sure that his son would never be able to live again.

It would be difficult for Dean to fight his way back to life anyway since it had been quite some time since Dean had been free, had seen the sun, was able to breathe fresh air. It had been a long time since somebody spoke to him without insulting him or abusing him. It had been a long time since somebody touched him gently. He was literally starved of human contact, of gentleness, of love. All he was fed with was hate and disgust.

Dean knew he would never be the same as he had been before, should he ever be free again. He would never be able to go outside again, to trust anybody. He would suffer from panic attacks. He would have nightmares that would stop him from sleeping at all. He would always hear that voice in his head that told him he was worthless, that he wasn't needed, that he shouldn't eat because then everybody would just leave.

John was pacing in front of Dean, watching him carefully. The blond felt himself shivering and trying to cower away, trying to make himself seem small. It wouldn't help him at all and he knew that but he had to try, didn't he? John would only get mad and punish him even worse but it didn't matter. Whatever was going to come, was horrible either way, it wouldn't matter if it got worse because Dean was scared.

John just scoffed as he realized what his son was doing and shook his head. "You really are nothing but a disappointment. You're not even man enough to face whatever is coming. I thought you learned over time but no, apparently you are losing whatever is left of your brain."

Dean whimpered and looked down, swallowing hard. He shouldn't let those words get to him the way they did but he just couldn't stop listening. He had been told that he was worthless for a thousand times by now and how was he supposed to stop listening? He didn't have anything else to concentrate on.

"Stop playing with him, Winchester. I thought I told you already what I think of that method." A cold voice suddenly rang through the room and both John and Dean froze. Dean had only heard that voice once or twice, he couldn't really remember, all he remembered was that this voice meant harm, that it wasn't a good sign that he had to hear that voice. It would mean worse torture than he had thought he would have to endure. It would be terrible, horrifying.

John bowed his head and nodded slightly, stepping back from Dean and letting the other man take his place. "I am sorry, Alistair. I just thought-"

"And that's the problem, Winchester! You thought! You can't use your pea of a brain. It was your duty to listen to what I say but you didn't. You didn't learn your lesson because otherwise you wouldn't have the problem of dealing with the cops or with that kid any more. You enjoy this way too much but you don't realize that you won't kill him with only psychological torture. If you really want to kill your son yourself you have to actually harm him and not only break his mind. You want a corpse and not a slave."